We all know that good, strong relationships are built on a foundation of good, strong communication. But did you know that talking with your husband can actually open you both up to more romance in your marriage?
And while using general conversation starters can be a whole lot of fun, you can get more out of your conversations about romance by using these romantic questions to ask your husband.
One of the biggest challenges when it comes to romance isn’t actually doing romantic things, but ensuring that you’re both on the same page regarding what romance actually means.
Romantic gestures look different for all of us, and thanks to far too many soppy romantic movies with elaborate and over-the-top storylines, our ideas of romance can be a little skewed.
So, rather than being frustrated about the lack of romance in your marriage, ask your husband these romantic questions designed to get you in a more romantic mood, understand each other’s approach to romance and ultimately make sure you’re on the same romantic page.
1 – What Does Romance Look Like To You?
This is possibly the most important question of all when it comes to increasing the romance in your relationship.
This is because one of you may be providing what they deem to be romantic gestures, but if the other doesn’t see that as being romantic, then the ‘romance’ is lost.
The best way to get on the same page is to talk about it.
What does romance actually look like?
Get detailed, the more specific the better.
And don’t forget the little details. The coffee in bed of a morning, the refueling of your car, holding hands while watching TV… it’s the little things that really do count.
Remember, romance looks different to everyone, and not all women fall into the stereotypical ‘romance’ notion, so there’s no right or wrong answer.
2 – What Do I Do That Makes You Feel Loved?
Such a sweet question, and again, this question allows you to understand each other’s view of romance on a deeper level.
With this question, you are focusing more on what already exists in your relationship rather than what you want to add.
We all want to feel loved, but sometimes what we think we are doing to show that love and affection, isn’t what our spouse responds to and may not understand our intentions.
It’s like we’re speaking a different language.
Knowing what you already do that makes them feel loved not only gives you an understanding of what is important to them, but also makes you feel pretty good too.
By focusing on the good in your relationship, the romance that already exists, it allows you to build upon it and appreciate what you do have.
What we focus on grows, therefore focusing on the positives means we bring in more positives.
3 – If We Could Spend A Whole Day Doing Everything You Wanted To Do, What Would That Look Like?
Such a fun question to talk about!
While it’s great to fantasize about a day doing everything you wanted to do, it doesn’t mean it has to stay as a fantasy.
Maybe you won’t be able to do all of these activities in one day, but it will open you up to talking about what the ideal day looks like, and perhaps you can include bits and pieces into your day-to-day life.
Funnily enough, this is one of the exercises we use to help us set our goals – we talk about our dream day and then make elements of that dream day our goals.
Perhaps that is exactly how we want to live our life, or maybe it’s just a ‘one time only’ dream day.
Whatever it is for you, it’s exciting to work towards making it happen.
4 – If You Were To Plan A Romantic Trip, What Would It Look Like?
Relaxing on the beach while having someone bring you cocktails, couples massages, wood fires in a cabin in the mountains, riding a gondola in a canal, exploring a new area or a new city?
What does a romantic trip look like for you?
Again, be specific.
Don’t just stop at ‘a trip away without the kids and sleeping in til noon’ – really talk about what your fantasy romantic holiday looks like.
Maybe you’ll be able to plan for it to happen one day.
5 – How Do You Think We Can Include Romance In Our Daily Lives?
While talking about our ideal days and our dream romantic holidays is exciting and gives us insight into each other’s ideas of romance, talking about how you can include romance in your daily lives is just as, if not more, important.
This is where talking about the simple little gestures comes in.
Romance doesn’t have to be big, elaborate, over-the-top gestures – it’s more about the little things we do over and over again that add up.
6 – What Is Your Favourite Thing About Our Relationship?
Focusing on positive talk about your relationship can help foster new positive growth.
The words we use matter, and using positive words and talking to each other in positive ways about your relationship is important.
Talk about your favorite things in your relationship, you might be surprised to hear what it is.
7 – How Do You Feel ‘Romance’ Has Changed Since We’ve Been Married?
There’s no doubt our relationships change over time, and there’s a lot of people who believe that marriage significantly changes how we approach our relationship.
Talk about how you feel romance has (or hasn’t) changed since you’ve been married.
There may be small changes happening that you didn’t realize or haven’t shared.
8 – What Do You Feel Hinders The Romance In Our Relationship?
Kids, work, daily commitments, money, stress, time, health…. all of these things can be factors in avoiding or not feeling like there is any romance in relationships.
Talk about what you feel is hindering romance in your relationship, and then talk about ways you can overcome that obstruction.
9 – What Makes You Excited About Our Future?
Talking about your future is important and there needs to be things you’re excited about and are working towards because this will be what you rely on when you’re having a bad day or a rough patch.
Motivation is important in your marriage, and talking about what you’re excited about in your future can help with this. Plus it makes us feel good.
10 – Where Do Your Ideas Of Romance Come From?
We aren’t born romantic, it’s something we learn over time from various influences, and often we don’t even notice.
Sadly, a lot of these influences are inflated – think movies like ‘The Notebook’ or shows like ‘The Bachelor’ where grand sweeping gestures of romance are considered normal (but are in fact far from reality).
Talking about where we learned about romance can give you deeper insight into why each other feels a certain way about romantic gestures.
11 – What Is Your Favourite Thing About Me?
Again with the positive talk in our relationships, identifying your favorite things about each other is such a sweet thing to do.
Don’t stop at one thing, keep going listing all of your favorite things – this in itself is such a romantic thing to do.
12 – What Is The Grandest Romantic Gesture I’ve Ever Done For You?
While it’s the small romantic gestures that keep us going, the big grand gestures are fun to talk about too!
What you consider to be the grandest romantic gesture may in fact be different to what your partner feels is the biggest and most grand romantic gesture they’ve ever given.
Talk about the grandest romantic gestures you’ve done for each other, and talk about why they meant so much to you.
13 – What Do You Feel Is The Grandest Romantic Gesture You’ve Ever Done For Me?
Keeping on with the big grand romantic gestures, share what you feel is the grandest romantic gesture you’ve ever done.
As we mentioned, it may be different to what your partner feels, and it gives further insight into understanding what parts of ‘romance’ are important to each other.
14 – What Is A Simple Daily Task That You Feel Is ‘Romantic’?
This is possibly my most favorite question out of them all – what simple little daily task do you feel is romantic?
Perhaps it’s making your love coffee while they’re still in bed, or rubbing your feet after a long day, or warming up your car before you leave for work?
Little romantic gestures can make a huge difference to our relationships and can make us feel incredibly loved.
15 – Do You Prefer Random Grand Gestures Of Romance, Or Frequent Smaller Romantic Gestures?
Did you know some people feel very uncomfortable with grand romantic gestures? Are you one of them?
And some people prefer to be wooed over a candlelit dinner and a long walk on the beach in the moonlight, the ‘traditional’ romance…
Which do you prefer? Grand gestures of romance, or small little daily gestures?
Knowing more about what each other believes about romance, what romance you feel already exists in your relationship, and what types of romantic gestures you prefer, can go a long way to increasing and appreciating the romantic aspect of your relationship.
BONUS: 15 MORE Romantic Questions You Can Ask Your Husband
Because the original 15 Romantic Questions were so darn popular, we’ve updated the list and added an extra 15 questions – which means you could ask a question each night for a month and create your own Romantic Questions Challenge!
Here are 15 more questions to get you chatting.
16 – What Is My Love Language And How Do I Like To Be Shown I’m Loved?
Keep in mind, this isn’t a question designed to ‘catch’ your husband out for not knowing enough about you – it’s more of an opportunity for you to see what he does understand about you and for him to take a moment to think about how you like to be shown you’re loved.
If you’re not sure what your Love Language is, you can take the quiz to find out.
17 – What Is Your Love Language And How Do You Like To Be Shown You’re Loved?
The same goes for this question, but in reverse!
This question gives you the opportunity to explain your own understanding of your Love Language and give actual examples of how you like to be shown you’re loved.
For example, if your Love Language is Quality Time, you might prefer to spend time together reading on the couch or watching a movie together, rather than going out to dinner on a date.
This is why it’s so important to talk about your own Love Language and more specifically, how you like to be shown you’re loved.
19 – How Would You Like To Celebrate The Significant Times In Our Marriage?
This question is a great opportunity to talk about how you’d like to spend anniversaries, birthdays and other significant moments in your marriage.
For example, you might not be a huge fan of receiving flowers and gifts for your anniversary, but would rather a special dinner or a weekend getaway to spend time together.
Keep in mind, it is important to make time to celebrate your relationship in some way, even if it isn’t on your anniversary.
20 – What Goals Do You Have For Our Marriage?
Talking about your goals for marriage is a great way to learn more about what’s important to each other and where you see yourselves in the future.
It can also give you an opportunity to talk about any areas of improvement that may be needed in order to achieve those goals.
21 – What Can I Do To Make Our Marriage Even Better?
This is a great question to ask if you feel like there’s room for improvement in your marriage.
It shows that you’re willing to work on your relationship and that you value your husband’s input.
Be prepared for him to answer honestly and be open to hearing his suggestions.
22 – What Are Your Thoughts On Intimacy In Marriage?
Intimacy is an important part of marriage, but it’s not always easy to talk about.
This question can open the door to a discussion about intimacy and help you to understand each other’s needs in that area.
It can also be a great opportunity to talk about any problems you may be having in that area and to brainstorm solutions together.
Be sure to discuss different types of intimacy, including emotional intimacy, and spiritual intimacy, and explore what each of them means for you.
23 – What Do You Need From Me Emotionally?
Emotional needs are often very different from one person to the next.
Some people need a lot of reassurance and attention, while others are more independent.
This question can help you to understand your husband’s emotional needs and how you can best support him.
It can also be a good opportunity to talk about your own emotional needs and how he can help you to meet them.
24 – What Do You Need From Me In Terms Of Time Together?
Time together is important in any relationship, but it can be especially important in marriage.
This question can help you to understand your husband’s needs in this area and how you can best support him.
It can also be a good opportunity to talk about your own needs in terms of time together and how he can help you to meet them.
25 – Are You Getting Enough Alone Time? How Important Is Alone Time To You?
While it might be nice to think that we would love to spend all day every day with our spouse in sweet, loving harmony, that’s just not how we humans work.
We all need varying degrees of alone time in order to connect with our own mind, and for some people, time alone helps them to recharge and feel more energized.
The issue is, when it comes to relationships, alone time is often demonized and those who need it can be made to feel like they’re being selfish or unloving.
It’s important to not only understand each other’s needs when it comes to spending time alone, but also to be aware of how important that alone time is, and the positive effects it has on each other.
26 – How Do You Feel About Date Nights?
Date nights are a great way to keep the spark alive in any relationship, but they can be especially important in marriage.
(I emphasize the ‘can be’ there because contrary to what some articles may make you feel, you don’t actually need date nights for your marriage to survive. But you DO need open communication and the opportunity to spend time together. )
This question can help you to understand your husband’s needs and expectations when it comes to date nights, and whether they are important to him or not.
It can also be a good opportunity to talk about your current approach to date nights, if it’s working, and if not, discuss how you can make them work for you.
Remember, this is your marriage, you get to make it work in whatever way suits you.
27 – What Are Your Thoughts On Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy can be a great way to improve communication and to work through any problems you may be having in your marriage.
BUT – it is important to understand that almost all couples can benefit from going to couples therapy and we shouldn’t wait until our marriage has broken down before we seek help.
I liken couples therapy to servicing your car – you wouldn’t wait until your car was broken down after months of spluttering and driving poorly before you had it serviced… so why would you treat your marriage with less care than your car?
This question can help you to understand your husband’s thoughts on couples therapy, and whether he would be open to the idea of going to therapy together.
It can also be a good opportunity to talk about your own thoughts on therapy and how it could help you to improve your marriage, particularly around the areas of communication (although if you’re discussing these questions with each other and learning more about each other, then you’re already getting bonus points in the communication column).
28 – Do You Have Any Unspoken Needs?
While we all have needs, some of us have unspoken needs that we may not even be aware of.
These unspoken needs can often be the root of many problems in marriage, because if our needs are not being met, we will not be happy.
The only way to find out what your husband’s unspoken needs are is to ask him directly. This can be a difficult question to answer, but it’s important to be honest with each other about what you need in order to be happy.
Once you know what his unspoken needs are, you can work together to try and meet them, or at least to come up with a compromise that works for both of you.
29 – How Did You Know I Was The One You Wanted To Marry?
This is a question that can often be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, but it’s important to remember why you got married in the first place.
It can be easy to take our partner for granted and to forget all the reasons we fell in love with them, but remembering those reasons can help us to appreciate them more.
This question can also help you to understand your husband’s thoughts on marriage and what it means to him. It can also be a good opportunity to share your own thoughts on marriage and why you decided to marry him.
30 – What Is Your Favorite Thing About Being Married?
We all have different ideas on what marriage actually is and what it means, and a lot of the times these ideas are created and influenced by the relationships we see growing up, whether they’re in person, like our parents, or on TV like the Disney Cartoons (uh oh…).
There’s so much negativity out there about being married – all the ‘bro’ talk about the wife being the ol’ ball and chain, about nagging wives, lazy husbands, and all the other horrible stereotypes that have no place in your marriage.
This question is a great reminder to focus on the things you love about being married, and to share those things with each other.
Hopefully, these romantic questions have helped you understand your relationship a lot more.
If you’d like more ideas for questions to ask each other and conversation starters, check these out: