We all know that good, strong relationships are built on a foundation of good, strong communication. But did you know that talking with your husband can actually open you both up to more romance in your marriage?
One of the biggest challenges when it comes to romance isn’t actually doing romantic things, but is ensuring that you’re both on the same page of what romance actually means?
Romantic gestures look different for all of us, and thanks to far too many soppy romantic movies with elaborate and over the top story lines, our ideas of romance can be a little skewed.
So, rather than being frustrated about lack of romance in your marriage, ask your husband these romantic questions designed to get you in a more romantic mood, understand each others approach to romance and ultimately make sure you’re on the same romantic page.
1 – What Does Romance Look Like To You?
This is possibly the most important question of all when it comes to increasing the romance in your relationship. This is because one of you may be providing what they deem to be romantic gestures, but if the other doesn’t see that as being romantic, then the ‘romance’ is lost.
The best way to get on the same page is to talk about it.
What does romance actually look like? Get detailed, the more specific the better. And don’t forget the little details. The coffee in bed of a morning, the refuelling of your car, holding hands while watching TV… it’s the little things that really do count.
2 – What Do I Do That Makes You Feel Loved?
Such a sweet question, and again, this question allows you to understand each others view of romance on a deeper level. With this question you are focusing more on what already exists in your relationship rather than what you want to add.
We all want to feel loved, but sometimes what we think we are doing to show that love and affection, isn’t what our spouse responds to and may not understand our intentions. It’s like we’re speaking a different language.
Knowing what you already do that makes them feel loved not only gives you an understanding of what is important to them, but also makes you feel pretty good too.
By focusing on the good in your relationship, the romance that already exists, it allows you to build upon it and appreciate what you do have. What we focus on grows, therefore focusing on the positives means we bring in more positives.
3 – If We Could Spend A Whole Day Doing Everything You Wanted To Do, What Would That Look Like?
Such a fun question to talk about! While it’s great to fantasise about a day doing everything you wanted to do, it doesn’t mean it has to stay as a fantasy.
Maybe you won’t be able to do all of these activities in one day, but it will open you up to talking about what the ideal day looks like and perhaps you can include bits and pieces into your day to day life.
Funnily enough this is one of the exercises we use to help us set our goals – we talk about our dream day and then make elements of that dream day our goals. Perhaps that is exactly how we want to live our life, or maybe it’s just a ‘one time only’ dream day.
Whatever it is for you, it’s exciting to work towards making it happen.
4 – If You Were To Plan A Romantic Trip, What Would It Look Like?
Relaxing on the beach while having someone bring you cocktails, couples massages, wood fires in a cabin in the mountains, riding a gondola in a canal, exploring a new area or a new city?
What does a romantic trip look like for you?
Again, be specific. Don’t just stop at ‘a trip away without the kids and sleeping in til noon’ – really talk about what your fantasy romantic holiday looks like. Maybe you’ll be able to plan for it to happen one day?
5 – How Do You Think We Can Include Romance In Our Daily Lives?
While talking about our ideal days and our dream romantic holidays is exciting and gives us insight into each others ideas of romance, talking about how you can include romance in your daily lives is just as, if not more, important.
This is where talking about the simple little gestures comes in. Romance doesn’t have to be big, elaborate, over the top gestures – it’s more about the little things we do over and over again that add up.
6 – What Is Your Favourite Thing About Our Relationship?
Focusing on positive talk about your relationship can help foster new positive growth. The words we use matter, and using positive words and talking to each other in positive ways about your relationship is important.
Talk about your favourite things in your relationship, you might be surprised to hear what it is.
7 – How Do You Feel ‘Romance’ Has Changed Since We’ve Been Married?
There’s no doubt our relationships change over time, and there’s a lot of people who believe that marriage significantly changes how we approach our relationship.
Talk about how you feel romance has (or hasn’t) changed since you’ve been married. There may be small changes happening that you didn’t realise or haven’t shared.
8 – What Do You Feel Hinders The Romance In Our Relationship?
Kids, work, daily commitments, money, stress, time, health…. all of these things can be factors in avoiding or not feeling like there is any romance in relationships.
Talk about what you feel is hindering romance in your relationship, and then talk about ways you can overcome that obstruction.
9 – What Makes You Excited About Our Future?
Talking about your future is important and there needs to be things you’re excited about and are working towards because this will be what you rely on when you’re having a bad day or a rough patch.
Motivation is important in your marriage, and talking about what you’re excited about in your future can help with this. Plus it makes us feel good.
10 – Where Do Your Ideas Of Romance Come From?
We aren’t born romantic, it’s something we learn over time from various influences, and often we don’t even notice.
Sadly, a lot of these influences are inflated – think movies like ‘The Notebook’ or shows like ‘The Bachelor’ where grand sweeping gestures of romance are considered normal (but are in fact far from reality).
Talking about where we learnt about romance can give you deeper insight into why each other feels a certain way about romantic gestures.
11 – What Is Your Favourite Thing About Me?
Again with the positive talk in our relationships, identifying your favourite things about each other is such a sweet thing to do. Don’t stop at one thing, keep going listing all of your favourite things – this in itself is such a romantic thing to do.
12 – What Is The Most Grand Romantic Gesture I’ve Ever Done For You?
While it’s the small romantic gestures that keep us going, the big grand gestures are fun to talk about too! What you consider to be the most grand romantic gesture may in fact be different to what your partner feels is the biggest and most grand romantic gesture they’ve ever given.
Talk about the most grand romantic gestures you’ve done for each other, and talk about why they meant so much to you.
13 – What Do You Feel Is The Most Grand Romantic Gesture You’ve Ever Done For Me?
Keeping on with the big grand romantic gestures, share what you feel is the most grand romantic gesture you’ve ever done. As we mentioned, it may be different to what your partner feels, and it gives further insight into understanding what parts of ‘romance’ are important to each other.
14 – What Is A Simple Daily Task That You Feel Is ‘Romantic’?
This is possibly my most favourite question out of them all – what simple little daily task do you feel is romantic? Perhaps it’s making your love coffee while they’re still in bed, or rubbing your feet after a long day, or warming up your car before you leave for work?
Little romantic gestures can make a huge difference to our relationships and can make us feel incredibly loved.
15 – Do You Prefer Random Grand Gestures Of Romance, Or Frequent Smaller Romantic Gestures?
Did you know some people feel very uncomfortable with grand romantic gestures? Are you one of them? And some people prefer to be woo’d over a candlelit dinner and a long walk on the beach in the moonlight, the ‘traditional’ romance…
Which do you prefer? Grand gestures of romance, or small little daily gestures?
Knowing more about what each other believes about romance, what romance you feel already exists in your relationship, and what types of romantic gestures you prefer, can go a long way to increasing and appreciate the romance aspect of your relationship.
Hopefully these romantic questions have helped you understand your relationship a lot more. If you’d like more ideas for questions to ask each other and conversation starters, check these out: