You know it and I know it… money is a difficult topic for a lot of couples. And because of this, many couples avoid talking about money. But, we all know that doesn’t actually solve anything! However, when you haven’t talked about money much, or you don’t have a great track record when it comes to financial conversations, it can be difficult to know where to start.
Instead of going straight for the questions and discussions that always end in the same argument, try getting to know each other’s money mindsets first. Understanding each other and your views on money can go a long way to understanding each others approach and behvaious around money too.
To get you started, we have 19 questions to ask your husband about money that is guaranteed to get you talking and understanding each other more. But… be sure to answer them too. Remember, this is a conversation that needs to happen from both sides!
Have fun with these and hopefully soon, with a little work, patience and practice, you’ll be comfortable talking about money with each other in no time.
You can also see our other questions to ask your husband including Questions To Ask Your Husband About Your Future, Questions To Ask Your Husband About Your Marriage, and Questions To Ask Your Husband Other Than ‘How Was Your Day?’
While you’re at it, be sure to grab your copy of these 100+ Conversation Starters to really get your conversations flowing:
1 – How Does Money Make You Feel?
This is always a good one to start with and ask on a regular basis. Often our first reaction is fear based, or scarcity based, because we are scared there isn’t enough money. This is especially true in times of financial stress.
But once you start talking about your financial past, it can be interesting to see how these financial insecurities and emotions came into being. And it gives a deep understanding of how you both react to money.
2 – Do You Think Money Can Be Good/Bad?
My answer is always that money is money. It’s an inanimate object that is neither good nor bad, but can be used to do good or bad things. But, we grow up being told that money is the root of all evil, and that rich people are not nice people, which can influence our feelings towards money.
Talking about whether you think money can be good or bad is again, good insight into why you behave the way you do with money.
3 – How Do You Feel About Our Current Financial Situation?
Maybe you’re both stressed about money. Maybe only one of you is stressed and that is causing a big rift between the two of you. Or maybe you both feel fantastic about your financial situation! Talk about this often. Have regular financial check-ins and be sure you understand how each other is feeling.
4 – What Does ‘Enough Money’ Look Like To You?
Some people have never really thought about the idea of ‘enough’ money. Have you? What does ‘enough’ money look like. And be really honest… it’s okay to say you want more than average. It’s okay to say you want to live a life of incredible abundance. There’s no wrong answer.
5 – What’s Your Financial Dream For Us?
Do you have the same financial dream? (If not, that’s okay). But do you know what you each want financially? This can be a really interesting conversation to have!
6 – Do You Feel Like You Have To Be The Breadwinner?
So much financial stress comes feeling like all the financial responsibility comes down to one person. Understand what each person contributes to the family finances (dollars in the bank, dollar value, running of the household etc) can help you understand each other more and alleviate some stress too.
7 – How Do You Feel About Debt?
We all come from different financial upbringings and have different experiences that contribute to how we feel about and approach our money.
One of the big financial topics is debt. Some people are fine with having debt on constant rotation, whereas others prefer to pay cash for everything. How do you both feel about it? If you’re both on different tracks this can cause a lot of tension.
8 – If You Could Change One Thing About Our Financial Position, What Would It Be?
Don’t only ask this question, but follow it up with ideas to actually achieve that change, especially if it’s one you both desire. Create a goal and a plan to achieve it.
9 – When Do You Want To Retire?
Long gone are the days when everyone just worked until retirement age and then started to enjoy their retired life and spend the inheritance. There’s a new movement towards Early Retirement… is this something you want to do?
10 – If You Had A ‘Spare’ $10,000 Right Now, What Would You Do With It?
This is such a FUN question! And be sure to have fun with it! Remember, these questions don’t have to be super serious. The idea is that you get used to talking about money in a positive, happy and relaxed way.
11 – Where Do You See Us Financially In 5 Years? (10 Years, 20 Years)
Thinking about your financial future can be fun! And it can give you the motivation to work towards your financial goals together! Have a think about where you want to be financially, and what you want to achieve in the next 5, 10 and 20 years!
12 – Do You Believe You Are Paid Fairly At Your Job?
This is another interesting question because it also gives us insight into our own value. Do you feel like you are paid fairly? Does your husband feel like he is paid fairly? And if not, what would ‘fair’ look like?
13 – What Do You Think We Could Change Or Modify In Our Budget?
While you should be reviewing your budget on a regular basis (and ideally, every single pay cycle), sometimes we carry expenses over without ever really thinking about them. Is there anything you would change or like to modify? Maybe you want to save more? Have more spending money? Cut some expenses?
14 – How Did Your Parents Manage Their Money?
The way our parents managed their money is usually our first understandings and impressions of money – were they positive? Or was money something that wasn’t spoken about? Again, this is a really interesting insight into why we feel the way we do about money.
15 – Who Taught You About Managing Money?
If your parents didn’t teach you about money, who did? And even if they did, where else did you learn your money management skills? Do you listen to podcasts? Or have you taken a course? What do you do to keep learning about money now?
16 – What Did You Learn About Managing Money?
Keeping on that path, what have you actually learnt about money management? Perhaps your husband has different management skills to you? Maybe one is very frugal and the other is a great budgeter? You are a team who can use each other’s skills to make the most of your financial situation.
17 – What’s The Biggest Money Lesson You’ve Ever Learnt?
This might be a lesson you’ve learnt through experience. Or maybe someone imparted some amazing financial wisdom on you and it has stuck with you ever since. Share your biggest money lessons with each other.
18 – What’s Your Biggest Financial Mistake You’ve Ever Made?
Following on from the previous question… what is the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made. We’ve all made financial decisions we wish we could go back and change or we wish we could have done differently, what was yours?
19 – What Do You Wish You Knew About Money When You Were Younger?
Wouldn’t it be nice to go back and tell our younger selves all the things we know now? What do you wish you knew about money when you were younger? And if you did know that, what difference do you think it would have made to your life.
The best way to get comfortable talking about finances, is by talking about finances. Talk all things money past, present and future and before you know it, you’ll be chatting money without it causing too much stress or worry.