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As women, we tend to think about the future a lot. I know I’m not the only one. But it has come to my attention that not all men are the same! Alarming I know! Which is why it’s important to talk to your husband about your future because you may not actually be on the same page.
Leaning into the generalisations a little more, it is a biological thing that women are typically more future thinkers than men, however, men are more practical thinkers than women. Now, this doesn’t mean ALL women and ALL men are like this – that’s why they are generalisations. But are you and your spouse the same kind of thinkers? Regardless of your differences, chances are you don’t always think the same. Which is why it is so darn important to get chatting about these things.
Whether you’re talking about the near future (next few weeks to a year or so), or decades away from now, it’s good to talk to your husband about what you want, what he wants and how you can create an amazing life together. After all, that’s what marriage is right? An amazing life, together?
It’s okay if you’re not quite sure what to chat about… exactly. We’ve got you covered with these 15 questions to ask your husband about your future. Now, don’t feel like you have to follow these in order or that these are the only questions you should ask. Let the conversation flow, follow the paths it takes
Other questions you can ask your husband or spouse include these questions about your marriage, these conversation starters so you’re not always just asking ‘how was your day?’, and then there’s also these conversations you need to have when marriage is hard.
Remember, while this is supposed to be insightful, above all, it is supposed to be FUN! So relax, have a laugh, and have fun dreaming about your future together (and then creating plans to make it happen!).
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1 – What does our future look like to you?
Regardless of whether you daydream about it on a regular basis or if you’ve just thought something like ‘ah, that would be nice’ in passing, we have all thought about what our future will look like at some point.
Ask your hubby, what does your future together look like to him? What jobs do you have, where do you live, who is around you, what are you doing, where are you going, how do you feel?
2 – What do you want to be part of our future?
You can’t work towards your dream life if you don’t know what it looks like. And knowing what it looks like means knowing what you want to be part of your future.
Whether it’s people, places or things, jobs, vacations or hobbies – whatever it is in your life, do you want it to be part of your future?
3 – What do you not want to be part of our future?
Equally as important (and maybe even more so) is knowing what you do not want to be part of your future. You might not know exactly what you DO want, but you should at least have an idea of what you DO NOT want.
Share with each other things you do not want to be part of your future and explain why.
4 – What do you see our lives like when we are retired?
Retirement used to be this thing that happened in our late 60’s or 70’s, after we had worked the same career for the last 50+ years and we retired, gardened and lived happily ever after.
Now, there’s a whole movement dedicated to the Financial Independence, Retire Early way of life (aka FIRE) and people are ‘retiring’ earlier and earlier.
What does this look like for you? When do you want to retire? Where do you want to live? What does ‘retirement’ look like for you?
5 – What are your financial goals for us for the future?
We can’t have goals for the future without at least looking at our financial goals as well. Whether you like it or not, money and finances are part of your life, so you have two choices. You can be passive and just deal with whatever money comes your way, or you can be proactive and manage your money like a pro.
Setting financial goals is part of managing your money like a pro. Not only is it important to set the goals, but to also know what it takes to achieve them. And you need to be on the same page. With money being one of the biggest causes for arguments in a marriage, don’t let something you can control cause this much of an issue in your relationship.
6 – Is there something about the future you think I want, but you’re not sure about?
Assumptions only do one thing, and it’s not good. Don’t assume your spouse wants your future together to be a certain way – ask them! If your husband is assuming you want to always live where you are now, but you’ve always dreamed of living across the other side of the country, then you should definitely tell each other.
It also might be that your husband thinks you want to work in your job indefinitely, but really you’ve always dreamed of going back to study and change your career path. Talk about it!!
7 – What do you feel I need in our future?
This is such an interesting question because you are no longer just sharing what you want, but you’re actually taking the time to consider each other and each other’s needs. What do you feel your spouse needs in their future to be happy, healthy and have a wonderful life with you?
8 – What can we do now to move towards our future goals?
The future starts right now and the plans and actions you have in mind for your future might actually be better off starting right now!
Do you want to own your own home but need to save for a downpayment first? Perfect! You can start that now!
Or maybe you’ve always wanted to work for yourself? Now is such an amazing time to create your own business the way you want it to be!
Whatever it is you want in your future, is there anything you can do now to start moving towards that goal?
9 – What is one of your biggest dreams to achieve in our future?
You know that big scary almost too crazy to say out loud dream that you want to achieve ‘one day’? Share that with your spouse! You each have one, maybe you haven’t really thought about it in a while because it’s ‘too big’ or maybe you just didn’t realise it was actually something you wanted, but I assure you… it’s there.
10 – What are you most excited about for our future?
The future is exciting! There’s so much possibility and adventure. What are you most excited about? It doesn’t just have to be one thing… each stage of our lives has different things that excite us. Share with each other what those things are for you.
11 – What are your biggest fears when it comes to our future?
While the future is undoubtedly exciting, with the unknown of the future, comes some level of fear. For some people this is just a normal, butterfly in your tummy kind of fear, for others, it can be crippling and can actually lead to self-sabotage.
What are your biggest fears when it comes to your future? When you share your fears with others, especially your husband, it doesn’t seem so scary or overwhelming at all.
12 – Where do you see us in 1 year (5 years, 10 years etc)?
This is always a fun question to ask, and even more fun to record and see if you end up where you thought you would. Check out the Couples Planners at the bottom of this article – they have pages dedicated to recording fun things like this (and so much more).
13 – If you were to write a letter or record a video to your future self, what would you say?
While this might be fun to talk about, it would be even more fun to actually do it. Set up a tripod, hit record on your phone and start talking to your future self. What do you want them to remember? What do you hope they (you?) are doing?
14 – Is there something we are moving towards that makes you uncomfortable or worried?
A lot of the time, when there are things changing in your life, or if things are moving quickly, you can start to feel uncomfortable or worried. There’s a whole lot of other reasons why this happens too, but it’s important to talk about them.
Is there something you’re moving towards that makes you uncomfortable or worried?
15 – What do you want to achieve in the next 1 year (5 years, 10 years etc)?
Similar to the ‘where do you see yourself’ this can be more fun to record and see what it is you do achieve. Write out everything you want to achieve in the next year, five years, ten years and then make this list your ‘to do’ list and you’re on your way!
You can find even more questions to ask your husband (over 100 of them actually) and a whole bunch of other fun things to do designs to create fun and intimacy in your relationship in the Couples Planner.