We all know how important communication is in a marriage, but sometimes it’s difficult. Sometimes, the day to day tasks just take over and you find yourself more often grunting at each other as you pass in the hall rather than having a real, sit down chat.
That’s okay… it’s totally normal. We all go through these phases.
But sometimes this rut can be broken by using some of these questions to ask your husband that doesn’t involve the generic ‘how was your day?’ (Or, what are the kids doing…?)
(BONUS – New questions have been added to this list to make your conversations even more interesting!! Be sure to scroll to the bottom to see the 20+ extra questions!)
While it’s a great idea to have a whole heap of questions you can ask your husband (and he can ask you) to spark up a conversation, these tips for communication in marriage will also help:
1 – Don’t Start With The Heavy Conversations
Whenever I hear someone say that they’re having trouble communicating in their marriage, one of the first things I ask is ‘what do you try to talk about?’
More often than not, the answer is always something that a little heavy hitting.
Deep emotional conversations, talks about finance or any other topic that requires a lot of thought (and sometimes stress) are types of conversations that some people naturally try to avoid.
Think of it like the foreplay of conversations.
Start just chatting about things that don’t require a lot of deep thought, that are light hearted and fun. This gets the conversation flowing and allows you to move onto more in-depth topics.
Often we don’t actually have enough time to dive deep into big conversations, which is why the best way to get conversations moving from small talk to actual connection is through the kinds of questions we ask.
The questions on this list have been created to not only give you a chance at chatting with each other beyond ‘how was your day’ but also, by using interesting questions , we get to learn more about each other.
The more we learn, the deeper our connection.
2 – Speak Their Language
If you don’t already know your love language, then now is the time to check it out. You can take the quiz to find out what your love language is and it will be like a whole new world has opened up in your marriage.
Understanding how each other communicates is key to being able to communicate effectively.
Sometimes you can say something until you’re blue in the face, but if you’re not speaking the same ‘language’ then they’re not going to understand.
Getting your husband to open up and talk to you can be as easy as understanding each others love language.
3 – Get Some Time Alone
While I don’t always believe that you need to have a date night in order to spend good quality time with your spouse, if it has been a long time since you had time alone, or you don’t even remember the last time you were able to have a meaningful conversation, then perhaps getting a babysitter, or getting a family member to watch the kids while you head out is a good idea.
Time alone, like date nights, can help you get into a flow of really good conversation, and while intimate questions might not be the best idea in a public place, you could mix things up and stick to asking fun questions of each other while you’re out, and then have more intimate conversations in during alone time.
Another idea for some time alone could be a little road trip together. Instead of playing music, ask each other random questions (or not so random if you use this list) and get talking.
Driving in the car together is a great way to have conversations without feeling so self conscious as you’re not looking at each other. It can help make conversation flow easily.
4 – Have Fun
Remember how much fun you used to have? What happened? Why did that stop?
Relationships are meant to be fun!! Change the scenery, be goofy together, tell each other jokes, make each other laugh…
Laughter is literally the best thing you can do when trying to communicate with each other – genuine belly laughter sets off all kinds of chemical reactions in our brain and makes us feel naturally closer to the person we are laughing with.
Some of the questions below will help you with that laughter too!
Remember to use these questions to have fun! Sure, some of them are a little more emotional than others, but still, have fun with them!!
Use any of these, or all of these, to kick start conversations, have a laugh and really get that time back with your hubby.
And while questions like ‘what’s your favorite thing…’ might be a great way to open up conversation, you’ll be amazed at how easily and naturally conversation flows when you start to ask the right questions.
Want to have more fun in your relationship? Grab a copy of our free Mini Relationship Planner, including the 55 questions to ask as conversation starters.
1 – Tell me something interesting about your day.
2 – What have you seen lately that made you think of me?
3 – If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?
4 – Do you like your job at the moment? Tell me more.
5 – Would you ever want to move from where we are living?
6 – What is the funniest thing you’ve seen lately?
7 – What have you seen lately that really frustrates you?
8 – If money wasn’t an issue – what would you want to be doing right now?
9 – Where would you like to go for our next holiday?
10 – What adventure would you like to have next?
11 – What’s one thing about your parent’s relationship that you admire?
12 – How are you feeling about our financial situation at the moment?
13 – Do you want to have (more) kids?
14 – What book are you reading at the moment? What is it about? What are your favorite books?
15 – What movie do you want to go and see?
16 – Who is your favourite movie character and why?
17 – What music did you listen to in your teens? Do you still like that music now? What’s your favorite song?
18 – What’s your favurite food right now?
19 – Of all the places you have been to, where is your favourite?
20 – What’s something about me that makes you smile?
21 – What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard our kids say lately?
22 – If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
23 – If you could have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would they be?
24 – What would your dream date include?
25 – If you were a flavour of ice cream, what would you be?
26 – If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
27 – What was the best day of your life? Tell me all about it.
28 – If your life was made into a movie, who would play you and the other leading roles?
29 – If you were to write a book, what would it be about?
30 – What is your dream job?
31 – What dreams have you had lately?
32 – Do you think our dreams mean anything? If so, what?
33 – If I could do one thing every single day to make your life easier/happier, what would it be?
34 – If you could choose between a cook or a cleaner, which would you hire?
35 – If you could travel in time, would you go back or forward? And to when?
36 – What’s one outrageous thing you’d do for $100.
37 – If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
38 – What song is stuck in your head at the moment?
39 – Where do you want to be in 5 years? (or 10 years)
40 – If you could choose my outfit for a day, what would you choose?
41 – If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
42 – What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
43 – What do you consider to be your biggest achievement in life?
44 – What’s your favourite thing to do with me?
45 – What’s your favourite thing to do alone?
46 – What is causing you stress right now?
47 – What’s one thing you do when you’re feeling stressed?
48 – What do you think is my best personality trait?
49 – What do you think are your best personality traits?
50 – If we had one day left on Earth together, what would you want to do?
51 – Do you have any regrets in life?
52 – What would you tell your teenage self?
53 – If you were arrested, what would it be for?
54 – If you had to live within a TV series, which one would you choose?
55 – What’s your favourite movie of all time?
BONUS – NEW QUESTIONS ADDED!!!
56 – If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?
57 – Who was your best friend growing up?
58 – What is one physical feature you love about yourself?
59 – Tell me about your first kiss.
60 – If you could go back to high school, would you?
61 – If you could start up a new hobby, what would it be?
62 – What is a favorite memory that makes you feel happy?
63 – Do you have any career goals you haven’t told me about?
64 – What was your first impression of me?
65 – If there was one household chore you never had to do again, what would it be?
66 – Tell me about your favorite date we’ve had together?
67 – When was the first time you knew you loved me?
68 – Who was your first crush?
69 – What’s something you like to do at the end of the day?
70 – What is your biggest fear in life?
71 – What are 5 things on your bucket list?
72 – What do you consider your greatest talent to be?
73 – What was your favorite subject at school?
74 – What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?
75 – What is the kindest thing you’ve ever done for someone else?
76 – Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met?
You might also love this article: 15 Questions To Ask Your Husband About Your Marriage, or enjoy the questions in this article: 120 Conversation Starters For Married Couples
The Relationship Collection
This post was updated on the 2nd August 2021 with new questions and more information to help you connect with your spouse.