Before we get married, especially during the dating phase of our relationship, we talk a lot, we ask questions, we really try to get to know each other.
It’s fun and exciting and you could spend hours just talking, and talking… and then your relationship progresses, life happens, you get married and before you know it there’s responsibilities and you’re tired and the conversation has fallen by the wayside…
Talking to your husband is fun, asking each other questions is fun. So why not get to know each other all over again by asking each other questions about your marriage?
If you’re wanting something more general, you could start with the 55 conversation starters we have for you, otherwise, these 15 questions to ask your husband about your marriage will get you talking about your marriage, thinking about your marriage and you may even start understanding each other in a whole different way.
How To Have Fun With These Questions
You could use these questions for a date night chat, or keep them on hand to ask a few questions here and there, or you could even set up a video and record your answers, then watch them back in years to come to see how your relationship has changed! So much fun!
Feel free to save these to your phone, print this page, or Pin it on Pinterest and create a board of things you can do with your husband.
Remember, these questions are meant to be fun. Laugh, grab a glass of wine, snuggle up, and let the conversation flow.
Don’t feel like you have to keep moving onto the next question if you’re having a great time chatting.
There’s no set timeframe, this is your time with your husband!
And while these are great questions to ask your spouse (even if we do say so ourselves) remember you can adapt them and modify them to suit your relationship.
You can use them as a starting point, or even use them to find even more deep questions to ask your significant other and keep building a stronger connection through conversation.
Questions to Ask Your Husband About Your Marriage:
Here are the fun and interesting questions you can ask to get the conversation flowing:
1 – What Is Your Favourite Thing About Being Married?
It’s really interesting to see how this changes over the years, from when you’re newlyweds through to the older married couple.
Try to really push your answer with this one.
Instead of the cute little ‘waking up next to you each morning’ response, be marriage specific. What is it about being married that you love?
2 – When You Were Younger, What Did You Think Marriage Would Look Like?
Dive into this question by following up asking why each other thought marriage would look a certain way – did you see it in a movie or did you get the idea from a real-life couple?
We are fed the Disney movie ideas of marriage from a very young age, and when we get older we realise that glass slippers would be sweaty, Prince Charming still poops after his morning coffee and no one wakes up looking pretty of a morning with birds chirping around them.
That being said, some people believe marriage is all arguing and fighting and nagging… it’s just sad.
The way we thought marriage would look like can play a big part in how we feel about our own marriages – this is a big question that can give you a lot of insight.
3 – What Was Your Favourite Part Of Our Wedding Day?
If you have photos of your wedding day or a video, go through them when you’re talking about your wedding day too.
It’s amazing how many of the little details we can sometimes forget.
It’s so much fun to relive your wedding day, and it’s interesting to know what each other’s favorite parts were.
4 – What Is Your Favourite Thing I Do For You?
Often these are little things we don’t even realise we are doing!
You might think that making your hubby’s coffee in the morning is just something that you do, but for him, it could be the best start to the day, something that he looks forward to and makes him smile (even if he forgets to tell you that).
This is also a great little reminder to look at the little things and be grateful for them in our relationships.
5 – How Do You Show Me That You Love Me?
This is a great way to find out how your husband shows his love for you, especially in ways you may not even realise (like fuelling your car up for you, or making sure your favourite coffee is always in the cupboard).
Knowing how each other shows love is one thing, but actually understanding what that looks like in real day to day actions can help you to actually see it when it’s shown.
6 – How Do I Show You That I Love You?
And the same goes, this is interesting to see what actions your husband perceives as loving gestures – there might be a mismatch between what you do with the intent of showing love, and what he sees as being an act of love.
This is huge in marriages.
7 – If We Had A Week Alone Together, What Would We Do?
How amazing would this be! Get creative! Maybe even write it down as a ‘goal’ you can work towards one day.
It’s even better if you can then take these ideas and turn them into a plan. Why not plan a week where you get to spend all of your time together?
If you have kids, this might be a two-part question, what you would do for a week together with the kids, and what you would do for a week together without the kids (after you sleep for 24 hours straight to attempt to ‘catch up’).
8 – List 5 Things You Love About Me And Why?
I love this! This is so much fun!
If your hubby goes straight to the physical traits (love ya bum!!), then make two lists, one for physical traits and one for personality traits.
Let’s face it, we love hearing both…
9 – What Is My Most Annoying Trait?
Tread carefully! Remember, this is meant to be fun! Don’t take this to heart and be sure to laugh about it together.
Regardless of what your annoying traits are, they are part of what makes you who you are and your hubby loves you just the way you are.
Talking about this is fun and it’s not meant as a list of things you need to change (because you don’t have to change your amazing self!).
10 – Where Do You See Our Marriage In 5 Years? (10 Years? 20 Years?)
Imagine your future together… what does it look like?
Be creative and write your answers down or even hit record on your phone and video yourselves together talking about the future of your marriage.
This would be so much fun to look back on in 5 years, 10 years, or even 20 years, and maybe even watch with your kids one day (so maybe you want to keep it G rated).
11 – If We Could Do Anything Together, What Would It Be?
This is another question that is great for creating goals together. What is it you want from your life together and how can you make it happen?
Sometimes the thing we want to achieve and do together isn’t actually that far out of our reach… we just don’t actually tell each other what it is.
Knowing what you both want, your biggest wildest dream together, means you can both work towards making it happen.
12 – What Do You Value Most In Our Marriage?
Our values are so important, and it’s okay if they are a little different.
What you each value in your marriage doesn’t have to be the same, but you do need to respect each other’s values.
13 – What Do You Feel Your Needs Are In Our Marriage?
There are so many articles out there telling you what your husband needs or what you need, instead of relying on them to tell you, why not just ask each other!
What do you each need in your marriage?
14 – What Was Your Parents Marriage Like?
It’s amazing how much of our ideas about marriage are created from the marriages we witness when we are growing up, like our parents.
Talk about what you thought were positive things about your parent’s marriages and what you think you could do differently.
15 – What Excites You The Most About Our Future?
It’s always nice to end these conversations with talks about the future so you both are looking forward together.
Focus on what excites you about the future so you end on a super positive and happy note.
What You Can Do Now
Now you’ve asked these questions and you’ve had fun finding out each other’s answers, you can save this list and set a reminder in your phone to ask these questions again in a year’s time.
You could share this post to Facebook and tag your friends so it comes up in your feed as a reminder in a year too, or you could even start a little journal together documenting your answers and maybe even making notes on what you want to work on together and what you love the most about your marriage.
How Often Should We Ask These Questions?
As you know, communication in marriage is one of the most crucial things to success, and even more importantly, communicating your needs and expectations.
The more comfortable you are talking to each other, the easier this will be.
And you become more comfortable talking… by talking more! It seems pretty easy hey?
But it’s not just casual conversation that will get you there. You need to get comfortable with talking about deep and meaningful topics too.
This doesn’t mean you need to have a heart to heart every single day, but it does mean that you do need to talk openly and honestly with each other, and throw in a deep conversation regularly.
If you’re asking yourself whether or not you have deep and meaningful conversations often enough, then the chances are the answer is no (otherwise you’d be happy and comfortable with the amount of conversation you’re having).
Be sure to give variety to your conversations too – and pick the most opportune times to talk. While we may be ready to talk, he may not be – so schedule it in or save it for date night.
My husband and I regularly go out for lunch together and every time we do we end up having ‘big plans’ conversations. It’s a great way to connect, give each other your attention, and do so in a change of environment.
What About When Marriage Is Hard? What Conversations Should We Have?
When marriage is hard, and you’re going through a time when communication is even more challenging than usual, then you might need to select your conversation topics a little more strategically.
Not because you need to be strategic in your marriage, but because when you have a chance for a conversation, you want to make sure it’s allowing you to connect in the best way, as opposed to asking each other about their favorite childhood memory (fun… but probably not the best question).
First of all, I genuinely believe all couples should go to marriage counseling regardless of whether they are having trouble or not (in fact, I think you should absolutely go to counseling before you’re having trouble… but that’s another story for another day).
Secondly, try asking each other these questions to ask when marriage is hard. They’re specifically designed to help you talk openly and honestly with each other, in a positive way.
What Other Questions Should I Ask My Husband?
So we know not all questions have to be deep and meaningful, and we know they don’t all have to be about our marriage… so what else is there to ask?
Well… I’m glad you asked… me… that question… how meta.
This is one of my favorite things about marriage – you can (and should be able to) as your husband about literally anything you want. BUT… for some, that’s a little paralyzing and it makes it even harder to find something to talk about (too many choices!).
We have a list of over 120+ conversation starters that can help you (print the page, then pop it on your fridge and highlight a question once you’ve asked it).
There’s all kinds of questions in there from fun, to deep, to reflective, to quirky… you never know what you might learn about each other.