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We hear time and time again that ‘communication is key to a happy marriage’ but what happens when you’re not quite sure what things you should talk to your husband about? Even those who feel like they have the communication thing down pat sometimes overlook these topics because they aren’t always part of the everyday life.
These are great topics to either kick off a conversation or to make sure you’re covering off and are on the same page as a couple.
1 – What Makes Each of You Happy
When you first start dating you talk about this a lot, it’s a natural topic to discuss. But as your relationship evolves it’s easy to forget about addressing what it is that makes each of you happy. Because the things that made you happy at the start of your relationship will be different to what makes you happy now.
This topic isn’t restricted to what makes you happy in your relationship but also in your life in general. What do you need to be happy? What do you need to feel fulfilled. Sometimes it could be as simple as a few hours each week to yourself to go to a cafe and read your favourite magazine, or to go out for a game of golf, or more involved such as elements of your relationship you need to work on.
It’s not just our partner’s role to make us happy, it’s our role to communicate what we need to be happy.
2 – Your Goals In Life
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Do you know where your husband sees himself in 5 years too? Are you on the same page?
Talking to each other about your goals in life not only gives you insight into each others desires but gives you the opportunity to support and build up your partner as they move towards achieving their goals. As too for your partner building you up and supporting you in achieving your goals as well.
It can also help you make better decisions together because you understand what is important to each other and where you both want to be.
3 – Views On Current Affairs
Do you know how your husband feels about certain political issues? While differing views can sometimes lead to heated discussions, these should never turn into arguments. Having intelligent conversations with your husband about real world issues is a great way to connect with each other. You may even find you learn more about each other this way and have the opportunity to show each other respect if your views differ.
4 – Fears, Anxious Thoughts, Insecurities
We all have fears, anxieties and insecurities, regardless of how long you have been together as a couple. Talking about them with your husband can help you feel more confident when you are experiencing a time of fear or anxiety and can help you speak up.
Being able to literally say to your husband ‘I am feeling really anxious about this because my fear is….’, not only opens your lines of communication but allows your husband to be able to talk you through the situation. Just as I’m sure you’d want to know if he was feeling anxious or insecure about something too. It’s all about working together.
5 – Memories Together and of Your Childhood
Running through a playlist of happy times in your relationship can remind you of why you fell in love in the first place and can trigger memories of what it is you really do love about each other. This is super important when the daily grind kicks in and you find yourself in a rut of routine.
Also, talking about childhood memories can help bring you closer together. It allows you to get to know each other even more – share the funny memories and the sad, the times that made you super proud and even the embarrassing memories. They all form part of who you are today.
6 – Family Goals and Parenting Styles
Do you plan on having kids one day? When? And how many children would you like to have? How are you going to raise them? We all have different ideas of what a family looks like and what we want our family to look like. Have you discussed this with your husband?
It is incredible how many young married couples there are who do not know if their other half wants 2 or 5 kids, or when they plan on starting a family. These are massive life events you absolutely must discuss.
7 – Finances – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Regardless of your financial situation, who earns what or who spends how much, you should both be on the same page when it comes to finances. Money is one of the top two reasons couples argue, when really it should be simple and straightforward.
Talk about it, don’t lie about it.
To start off with, be sure you have a good overview of what income you have coming in and what regular expenses you have going out. What is your current financial situation? What savings do you have? Do you have any debt? Do you plan on purchasing a house, or a second house?
If you talk about money regularly and openly, without judgement or criticism, it won’t be a topic that causes stress and tension.
8 – Sex and Love
The other reason couples argue? Sex. Talking about sex can make a person feel vulnerable and perhaps they have even been conditioned that talking about sex is inappropriate. But the one person you NEED to be able to talk openly with is your husband. Do you understand each others expectations or are you assuming what your husband wants? Have you explained what intimacy means to you and how your husband can fulfil your emotional and physical needs?
There will be times in your relationship where physical intimacy may be completely off the table. Illness, pregnancy, time away from each other, mental health issues and even some medications can mean that sex just doesn’t happen. Do you know how your marriage would survive this? Do you know how you’d be able to work through it?
At the end of the day, the most essential element of any marriage is communication. Without it you are flying blind and flying solo and that’s not what a marriage is about. Talk to you husband.
If communication isn’t your strong point, start off with small topics and work your way up to bigger ones. Turn off distractions like the TV or your phone and actually focus on one another. And if you’re still struggling, don’t be afraid to ask for professional help. Relationships need services and check ups just as much as our cars do.