We’ve all heard that communication is important in a relationship, but sometimes it’s hard to know what to say. The day-to-day demands of life, family, and work can quickly take over, and before we know it, our relationship has taken a back seat.
The easiest way to spark conversations and encourage communication is to use conversation starters and ask questions. In particular, questions to build intimacy in your relationship can help you strengthen your bond and get to know each other on a much deeper level.
What Is Intimacy In A Relationship?
Before we get to the list of questions, the first thing you need to understand is what intimacy actually means in real life, and in real relationships.
Intimacy involves a deep level of communication, connection, and trust. It’s about feeling comfortable sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your partner. It also means you share the positive things and the negative things, being open and honest with your partner to help create a deep connection.
Intimacy goes beyond physical attraction and sexual chemistry—although those things are certainly important in a relationship! If you want a lasting, meaningful connection with your partner, it’s important to nurture intimacy in your relationship.
While we often think of intimacy as being a physical connection, there are actually a few different types of intimacy you need to build in your relationship in order to create a strong and lasting relationship.
These include:
Physical and Sexual Intimacy – This is the type of intimacy most people think of when they hear the word “intimacy.” Physical intimacy involves a level of comfort with each other’s bodies and includes things like sex, cuddling, kissing, and holding hands.
Emotional Intimacy – This type of intimacy is about being able to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your partner. It’s about feeling comfortable being vulnerable with each other and sharing both the good and the bad.
Intellectual Intimacy – This type of intimacy involves being able to have stimulating conversations with each other and share new ideas and interests. It’s about being able to learn and grow together as a couple.
Spiritual Intimacy – This type of intimacy is about sharing your deepest values and beliefs with each other. It’s about feeling connected to each other on a soul level.
While all four types of intimacy are important in a relationship, emotional intimacy is often considered the most important. Why? Because in order to build trust, connection, and lasting love, you need to feel comfortable being vulnerable with each other.
The good news is that there are lots of small things you can do to build intimacy and strengthen your relationship.
And that starts with communicating openly and honestly with each other—and asking the right questions can certainly help you achieve more feelings of closeness and create a deeper connection.
77 Questions To Build Intimacy In Your Relationship
Inspired by psychologist Arthur Anon’s 36 Questions That Can Lead To Love experiment that argued asking a specific set of questions can lead to creating a deep and emotional connection with someone, these questions have been designed for couples to create closeness and intimacy.
Here are 77 intimate questions to ask your partner, remember – you can give as much detail or information as you’d like, and remember to have fun. These are open-ended questions designed to encourage conversations.
1 – What are your hopes and fears for the future?
2 – What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
3 – What are your deepest regrets?
4 – What has been your most challenging life experience?
5 – What are your biggest fears?
6 – What makes you feel most fulfilled in life?
7 – What are your spiritual beliefs?
8 – What is your idea of a perfect relationship?
9 – What are your biggest pet peeves?
10 – What makes you feel most loved and appreciated?
11 – What are your favorite things about yourself?
12 – What does your perfect day look like?
13 – What are your biggest insecurities?
14 – What do you love most about me?
15 – What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
16 – Who has had the biggest influence on your life? Why?
17 – What are your favorite memories of us together?
18 – Where is your favorite place in the world?
19 – What has been your most embarrassing moment? Does it still linger as a terrible memory or is it something you can look back on and laugh at now?
20 – If you could relive one moment from your life, what would it be?
21 – What do you want to be remembered for?
22 – What do you think is the key to a happy and lasting relationship?
23 – What are your deal-breakers in a relationship?
24 – Do you think that relationships should be based on love or lust? Why?
25 – If you could have anyone over as a dinner guest, who would it be and why?
26 – How do you think people can show their love for each other?
27 – What are your thoughts on soulmates?
28 – When did you last sing? When did you last dance? When did you last cry?
29 – What have been your favorite years of your life so far? Why?
30 – What do you think are the most important things to keep in mind in a relationship?
31 – If you had a crystal ball and could see into the future, what would you want to know?
32 – Do you think that all relationships go through ups and downs? Why or why not?
33 – How do you think people can keep the spark alive in their relationship?
34 – What is a treasured memory of yours that you believe has played a big role in your life story?
35 – What are your thoughts on commitment? What does commitment look like to you?
36 – What do you think love is?
37 – What are the three most important things you need in a relationship?
38 – What are the three things you would never compromise on in a relationship?
39 – What do you think of as the ideal relationship?
40 – Do you think that communication is important in a relationship? Why or why not?
41 – What relationship role models did you have growing up?
42 – What do you think of as the biggest challenges in a relationship?
43 – What do you think of as the most rewarding things about being in a relationship?
44 – What do you remember about our first date? What is your favorite memory from that date?
45 – What do you think of as the key ingredients for a successful relationship?
46 – What are 3 things we have in common?
47 – What is something you love about our relationship?
48 – What is your first memory of me?
49 – Do you think that every relationship has its ups and downs? Why or why not?
50 – What is one quality about me you love?
51 – What is the best way for me to show love and affection to you? How do you show love and affection to me?
52 – What are your thoughts on the different kinds of intimacy in a relationship? Do you believe they’re of equal importance or is one more important than another?
53 – What are your thoughts on conflict in a relationship? How do you believe conflict should be handled?
54 – How important do you think communication is in a relationship?
55 – What are your thoughts on jealousy? Do you think it’s ever okay to be jealous in a relationship, or is it always a sign of insecurity?
56 – What are your thoughts on public displays of affection? Are they important to you, or do you think they’re overrated?
57 – What are your thoughts on spending time apart from each other? Do you think it’s important to have some alone time, or should couples always be together? How much time apart would you need or be comfortable with?
58 – What are your thoughts on talking about exes? Do you think it’s important to talk about past relationships, or do you think it’s best to just move on and not dwell on the past?
59 – What are your thoughts on sharing secrets? Do you think it’s important to be completely open and honest with each other, or do you think that some things are better left unsaid?
60 – What are your thoughts on trust? Do you think it’s possible to completely trust someone, or do you think that there’s always a little bit of doubt in every relationship?
61 – What are your thoughts on making sacrifices for the sake of the relationship? Do you think it’s important to be willing to sacrifice things for the sake of the relationship, or do you think that every relationship should be 50/50?
62 – What are your thoughts on taking risks for the sake of the relationship? Do you think it’s important to be willing to take risks for the sake of the relationship, or do you think that couples should play it safe?
63 – What are your thoughts on giving and receiving compliments? Do you think it’s important to give and receive compliments frequently, or do you think that couples should only compliment each other every once in a while?
64 – What are your thoughts on fighting fair? Do you think it’s possible to fight fair, or do you think that all relationships have a little bit of fighting?
65 – What are your thoughts on giving each other space when one person is feeling overwhelmed? Do you think it’s important to be understanding and give each other space when one person is feeling overwhelmed, and how would you communicate this need?
66 – What are your thoughts on being honest about your feelings? Do you think it’s important to be honest about your feelings, even if they’re negative, or do you think that it’s better to keep them to yourself?
67 – What are your thoughts on staying in touch when you’re apart? Do you think it’s important to stay in touch when you’re apart, like sending messages or phone calls, or do you think that it’s better to just focus on being in the moment?
68 – What are your thoughts on taking care of each other when one person is sick? What do you prefer when you’re sick?
69 – What are your thoughts on being there for each other during tough times? How do you like me showing up for you?
70 – What are your thoughts on celebrating each other’s successes? How do you think we should celebrate each other’s achievements?
71 – What are your thoughts on being honest about your desires? Do you think it’s important to be honest about what you want, even if it’s something that you know the other person may not want to do?
72 – What are your thoughts on being honest about your fears? Do you think it’s important to be honest about your fears, even if they’re irrational?
73 – What are your thoughts on being emotionally present for each other? Do you think it’s important to be emotionally present for each other, or do you think that couples should just focus on the physical aspects of the relationship?
74 – What are your thoughts on being physically present for each other? Do you think it’s important to be physically present for each other, or do you think that couples can have a healthy relationship without spending a lot of time together?
75 – What are your thoughts on being supportive of each other’s dreams and goals? Do you think it’s important to be supportive of each other’s dreams and goals, or do you think that couples should just focus on their own dreams and goals?
76 – What are your thoughts on being understanding of each other’s needs? Do you think it’s important to be understanding of each other’s needs, or do you think that couples should just focus on their own needs?
77 – What are your thoughts on being open to new experiences? Do you think it’s important to be open to new experiences and trying new things, or do you think that couples should just stick to the things they’re comfortable with?
How To Use These Questions
You might be feeling a little overwhelmed looking at this list, and you might feel that getting through them all is going to take a long time. But remember, you can take this at your own pace!
These questions can be used as a starting point for discussion in order to build intimacy and strengthen your relationship.
You may want to discuss one question per day, or you may want to discuss a few questions at once. You might choose to ask a question each morning over coffee or ask a few on date night.
Either way, these questions can help you get to know each other on a deeper level and build a stronger, more intimate connection.
While this series of questions may seem like they’re for couples in a new relationship getting to know each other, you might find yourself surprised at the benefit of these for long-term couples too. These deeper questions can help spark meaningful conversations and the development of a close relationship, regardless of how long you’ve been together.
When discussing these questions, it’s important to be respectful of each other’s opinions and to listen carefully. Try to avoid getting defensive, and try to see things from your partner’s perspective.
If you’re not sure how your partner feels about something, ask them! Communication is key in any relationship.
Another great way to use these questions is as writing prompts. Use them to journal, have a joint journal together, or even use them as prompts to write letters to each other.
Final Thoughts On Questions To Build Intimacy And Strengthen Your Relationship
Building intimacy and strengthening your relationship takes time, effort, and communication. There’s no magic formula, but these questions can help you get started.
Remember to be respectful of each other’s opinions, to listen carefully, and to communicate openly. You are two different people working together to create a deep and connected relationship.
These questions are just a starting point – the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open in order to foster a healthy, strong relationship.
And remember, the most important thing is to just be yourself! The more authentic you are, the easier it will be to build intimacy and strengthen your relationship.
Do you have any other questions that you would add to this list? Share them in the comments below!
