When was the last time you set a goal? More specifically, when was the last time you set marriage goals? Did you even know there was such a thing?
We set goals for so many different aspects of our lives, things we want to achieve, career goals, financial goals – it only makes sense that we set marriage goals so that, as a couple, we know we are moving in the direction we want in our relationship.
It might sound a little funny, but marriage goals provide a great way for married couples to focus on their relationship, focus on each other, and to actually take quality time to talk about their relationship.
What Are Marriage Goals?
Marriage goals are quite simple really, they are goals you set as a couple, that you either want to have in, or achieve in, your marriage.
Marriage goals can be broken down into many different categories, from financial goals to quality time goals.
These goals provide a great way for you and your spouse to create a happy marriage that has meaningful relationship milestones, as well as help you to focus on the important things in your marriage, without getting too complacent with married life.
Why Do We Need To Set Marriage Goals?
Marriage goals provide a couple with a way to establish both short term goals and long term goals in their marriage and ensure that you always have the ability to refocus on what is important to you in your marriage, as well as a way to make your marriage a priority in your life.
These specific goals can help married couples focus on living a happy, healthy life together as well as providing ways that the couple can find time alone and spend quality time with each other as well as family or friends.
Marriage and relationship goals can keep you focused as a couple on what is really a priority to you and are especially important during times of stress, life changes, or emotional upheaval within your relationship.
They are also an excellent way to have discussions with your spouse about some of the things that are most important to you as a couple and can help you stay on the same page when it comes to important issues in life.
The best part is that marriage goals provide married couples with clear priorities for their marriage and ways to work through hard times together, like your own personalized blueprint to a happy marriage.
How Do We Set Marriage Goals?
So how do you actually set marital goals? There are several steps involved in the process of creating effective marital goals:
– Decide what you both want out of your marriage
– Set a timeframe for achieving the goals
– List all of the things you would like to achieve together as a couple throughout that time frame
– Discuss how you will work towards those goals, and what actions will need to be taken in order to complete them. Marriage is all about teamwork, so it only makes sense that you both need to be involved in setting goals.
Marriage goals are a great way for you and your spouse to set aside quality time together, so you can talk about the things that matter. Marriage goals should focus on building a stronger relationship through things like quality time, financial stability, and healthy habits.
What Marriage Goals Should We Set?
Every marriage is different, and every person is different, so there isn’t really one set of universal marriage goals that will apply perfectly to everyone.
That being said, it can be really difficult to know where to start with setting your marriage goals and having a little guidance or a few examples can really help.
These are some of the marriage goals couples can set to strengthen their relationship, focus on what is important, and create a long and successful marriage:
1 – Learn Each Other’s Love Language
If you haven’t taken the Love Languages test by Gary Chapman I highly, highly recommend you do so.
You can also grab the 5 Love Languages book which gives a whole lot more insight as to what each Love Language is (trust me – it’s so much more than you think) and will help you understand the Love Languages more.
This is so important because this is how we communicate and understand love.
Imagine you spoke French and your spouse spoke English. You could be telling them that you love and adore them but they wouldn’t have a clue what you’re saying because you’re not speaking the same language.
The Love Languages is like this. Game changer.
2 – Create Daily Routines That Focus On Each Other’s Love Language
Now you know each other’s Love Languages, you can create a goal of making a daily routine that includes something that resonates with them.
For example – if your spouse’s Love Language is acts of service then you might create a routine that includes making him a coffee of a morning.
If your Love Language is physical touch, this doesn’t necessarily mean physical intimacy, you might create a routine around holding hands while you’re on the lounge watching Netflix.
3 – Have At Least One Proper Conversation Every Single Day
Conversations are the foundation for almost every aspect of a successful marriage and when these conversations and communication skills fail, that’s when we see marriages that are heading for trouble.
Create a goal that you have at least one proper conversation a day that isn’t about what groceries are needed or what’s happening with the kids.
They don’t have to be serious and deep conversations, but focus on undivided attention (aka, phones down), and actually talking.
If you’re not sure what to talk about, check out the conversation starters to get you going.
4 – Dedicate Time To A Social Media Detox
When was the last time you spent a day or more without your phone or without social media?
Social media is a huge part of our lives and with this comes comparing who we are to others, spending an unhealthy amount of time scrolling and wasting hours out of your life.
Having a social media detox with your spouse can really help you reconnect with each other and also put the time wasted online into better use by doing things you actually enjoy doing together.
This can be as easy as having home date nights or taking up new hobbies together.
5 – Outline Your Financial Goals
When it comes to finances, creating goals can be a great way to get you and your spouse on the same page financially.
Create financial goals that include paying off debt, saving for a house or even taking a vacation together.
You can even include things you want personally (such as a new car) and have them as part of your goals together.
This will help you both work toward sharing the same financial goal and spending more time working towards something together.
The more you talk about money, the more comfortable you’ll be, therefore the less likely to have money arguments in the future.
6 – Create A New Relationship Ritual
Create a new relationship ritual that is meaningful in your marriage – you could even change this ritual up each year.
It could be as simple as making new memories each year with a tradition such as going on a date to the movies and then getting ice cream.
Or spend 15 minutes each morning talking while you drink your coffee on the back porch.
Or go for a walk together every Sunday.
You might even start a weekly date night, or games night.
Create a ritual that means something to both of you and that you can do, no matter what.
7 – Check-In On Household Chores Equality
Household chores are something that can create a lot of tension in marriage so checking in regularly can stop that resentment from rising and can give you insight into what each other contributes to the overall running of the household.
Take the time to check in with each other on what is happening with household chores and who is doing what.
If you’re not receiving help from your spouse, then it’s important to talk about this so that you can work towards things being more equal.
Remember, equal doesn’t mean 50/50 – and there are no rules about who needs to be doing what. Create something that works for you.
8 – Schedule In Date Nights For The Next Year
A year of date nights might sound overwhelming right now, but the point here is to schedule them in like they are an appointment that you cannot miss.
By putting them in your calendar now, you’ll be more likely to stick with them, and having them in your calendar to see regularly, is a little reminder of making your marriage a priority.
9 – Find A Hobby You Love To Do Together
This might be something you’ve already got and love to do together, or it could be a new activity you can both try – either way: find something that you both love to do.
Not only will this provide bonding time but it’ll also give you the opportunity to learn things about your spouse that you hadn’t known before (and vice versa).
New hobbies can be such a great chance to be close to each other – a mutual enjoyment of something, and give you so much to talk about together too.
Plus, having fun in a relationship is so darn important and finding fun hobbies can help add more play and more joy in your relationship.
10 – Create A List Of All The Things You Love About Your Marriage And Your Spouse
Having a list of all the amazing things you love about your spouse and your marriage is a great way to open up dialogue between you.
By creating this list, you can both see it on paper and talk through old experiences that make you see why you fell in love with each other.
You can even include more simple things like: “you make me laugh,” and “you always know how to make me feel better.”
This is a great list to refer back to when you’re going through tough times, or even just over the years of marriage see how what you love about each other and your marriage changes.
11 – Dedicate Time To Having Fun (And Being Away From Technology)
I know that I am guilty of this myself – I’ll be on my phone or computer and then find that 4 hours has passed without either of us realizing it.
We forget to play with each other, we forget to have fun together, so take the time to dedicate some time where you are away from technology, and having fun together.
It could be as easy as going out for a walk or going on a picnic, so long as you are away from technology it will allow both of you to wind down and have some fun.
Plus if you get physical and actually play games together, like wrestling or even getting outside and throwing a ball together, you activate so many different areas of your brain which makes it not only good for your physical health, and your mental health, but good for the health of your marriage too.
12 – Schedule In Alone Time For Each Of You
It’s easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take time out for yourself, but this is important too – both as a couple and as individuals.
Time alone is so important to recharge, and it isn’t just for introverts.
A lot of people get caught up in the whole idea that a couple is supposed to do things together always, that they forget that this couple is made up of two very unique individuals who need time alone.
It’s up to you how much time you need, some need just a few moments, others a day or so – but first of all, don’t get offended if your spouse asks for time alone, and second of all, schedule it in for each of you as a healthy part of your marriage goals.
13 – Create A Marriage Bucket List
If you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to forget about new things that you never get round to doing – but create a Marriage Bucket List.
This can be anything from new experiences or holidays, or even little adventures like going somewhere local and exploring.
Sitting down over a coffee and having a chat about what you’d like to experience or do as a couple is a good way for you both to have fun and have something new to talk about.
14 – Be Best Friends
All too often, relationships don’t put enough emphasis on friendships, because all the focus is going into being a romantic couple.
However, being friends with your spouse can be just as important for a healthy marriage.
It’s good to have an emotional connection and rapport with your best mate/the love of your life too – and spending time with them and building a friendship is just as powerful in your marriage.
15 – Share Your Own Goals And Dreams With Each Other
A few years ago I conducted a research survey of over 1000 women and was blown away by how few of them openly and honestly shared their own goals with their spouses.
In many cases, the women felt like their goals weren’t worthy of following because they were now married or had kids, and they were no longer a priority.
Just because we have a shared goal as a couple, doesn’t mean we cease to exist as an individual who has their own personal goals too.
A lot of couples can get caught up in the nitty-gritty of goal setting – but really it’s quite simple.
Make a conscious effort to talk about your goals, make sure they are smart goals that are measurable and include a mixture of daily goals, short-term goals, and long-term goals.
Do this for yourselves as individuals, then together as a couple, then share your goals and dreams with each other.
While it’s a nice thing to have common purposes like goals, it’s also really nice to have someone who understands our own individual goals, and who supports us in achieving them.
16 – Focus On Using Supportive Statements To Each Other
The words we use have power, and the words we use towards each other can make or break a relationship.
Create a goal to always use supportive statements to each other – I support you in your business ventures, I’m so proud of you, that donut is perfect for you… you know the deal – statements that are supportive and make each other feel good.
This is particularly important for people who have ‘words of affirmation’ as their love language, but at the end of the day, we all like being supported by the one we love.
17 – Be Clear About Marriage Expectations And Talk Openly And Honestly About Them
Marriage is a massive transition in anyone’s life – and often, people have expectations going into it that don’t quite meet the reality of what happens.
As a result, there are a lot of conflicts people can face with each other because their way of doing things doesn’t match up – but by communicating early on about your expectations you can avoid those conflicts and create a harmonious marriage.
The biggest cause for conflict in marriage is unmet expectations, and the best way to overcome this is to express your expectations.
Almost everything on this list helps you to understand each other’s expectations in marriage and talking openly and honestly, will help you with this.
Make it a goal to be able to understand each other’s expectations (and limitations) and revisit this often as our views, needs, wants, and expectations change and evolve over time.
Remember, these aren’t scary conversations when we approach them with love and we are supportive of each other.
18 – Make Daily Physical Touch A Priority
Before you scream profanity at this and throw your phone away, this doesn’t mean you need to get jiggly between the sheets every day.
Physical touch is a basic need of humans – and in relationships, this can take many forms.
From holding hands, cuddling, wrapping your arms around each other while cooking – the little gestures of physical touch like this make all of the difference, especially when you’re making daily connection a priority.
19 – Make Time For Adventures And Fun As A Couple
Adventures and fun aren’t just side benefits of marriage – they’re an important part of making your relationship healthy and happy.
Plan getaways, day trips, explore areas you’ve never been to, experience new things together, challenge yourself, push your boundaries… HAVE FUN!
There are so many amazing adventures waiting for you! You just have to make it happen.
20 – Go To Counseling
Wait… what?
I’m not crazy. Marriage gets tough, and it can be a struggle to stay connected sometimes – but having the tools and guidance from a counselor/therapist/life coach, etc will help you navigate these tricky moments.
Don’t wait until it gets bad to seek out help – even if you don’t have problems right now, consulting a counselor can help you to understand yourself and your partner better.
And if you do have problems, it can make dealing with them easier and more effective.
There is never a bad time to seek out counseling – whether that’s with a Marriage Counselor, Marriage Therapist, Coach, or someone else – find someone you are both comfortable with (this is important) who can help you to strengthen your relationship.
I honestly believe every couple should go to marriage counseling at some point and strongly urge all married couples to go.
21 – Create A Monthly Focus/Goal For Your Marriage
Whether it’s daily conversations, daily hugs, sending sweet text messages to each other, an hour of no screen time together at night, regular walks together, Friday night board games… create a monthly focus or goal for your marriage and stick with it.
This can be a fun way to find new routines that work for you, find out what you like doing as a couple, and to just have fun.
Sometimes it takes a little change and focus like this to shake things up in our current routine and get out of a rut – so pick something this month and go for it!
22 – Create An Argument Agreement
This isn’t an agreement where you promise not to argue – that’s just not feasible for many reasons.
You have to remember you are two totally individual and different people, there are going to be times when you disagree on things that that is perfectly normal. Imagine how boring life would be if you were both exactly the same (and weird too… very awkward).
Instead, create a plan for when you do argue.
This plan essentially outlines the rules of what you deem acceptable in an argument – and keep in mind here we are talking healthy arguing – not fighting.
Fighting is when you purposefully attempt to hurt, belittle, and control the other person. Unacceptable in a relationship in any form.
Arguing, however, can be very healthy for some couples and quite normal.
So – what do you put into your agreement?
Things like the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ aren’t allowed (such as ‘you always do this…’ or ‘you never do that…’)
That you’re allowed to pause arguments for a cuddle or to set aside because you just want time to think, or want time to reconnect in a positive way (think Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother).
Or that all arguments must be resolved or respectfully agreed to disagree and must end with positive talk to each other.
23 – Determine What Romance Means To Each Other – Then Make Time To Be Romantic
This is where you get down to the nitty gritty of what that means in your relationship.
Romance isn’t just about buying flowers or being spontaneous, it can be something else entirely – but you have to figure out what works for you…
Once you figure out what romance means to each of you, then come up with a way to make sure you are both doing it regularly – even if it’s just once a month, once every couple weeks… whatever works for you.
Just always ensuring that there is some time for romance in your relationship will help to strengthen your marriage.
BONUS #24 – Have A Marriage Podcast Or Book List To Share With Each Other And Read/Listen Together
Podcasts can be an awesome way to connect with your spouse on a regular basis, learn something new (all while having a good time) and create some great conversations.
A Marriage podcast is something that will give you both some lighthearted topics to work with while also helping you learn more about each other – like Marriage Goals, Marriage Advice, Marriage Relationship etc.
If you’re not into Marriage podcasts there are also Marriage Books or Marriage E-Books (yes, they’ve finally made Marriage Books you can read on your phone!) to get your hands on.
Whether you’re setting your marriage goals a the start of a new year, on an anniversary, at the start of your marriage, or right now – taking the steps to create marriage goals means you’re already thinking about how important making your marriage a priority is, which means you’re already miles ahead of many other couples.
Set some time aside in your calendar right now to create your marriage goals together and make sure you have fun in the process!
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