One of the beautiful things about relationships is that they aren’t all the same, which means the relationship goals you have as a couple aren’t the same either.
Couples don’t all look the same, and the two people in the relationship aren’t the same either.
They’re independent individuals that come together to create a beautiful relationship, together.
Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a few months, few years or a few decades, one of the ways to make sure your relationship is a priority and stays ‘fresh’ is to set goals together.
While you may have your own idea of what you want your relationship goals to be, setting your goals together as a couple can be incredibly powerful, and can help make sure you’re both on the same page.
Relationship goals aren’t just a trending hashtag, they are what you should include in your relationship to make it stronger and to deepen your connections.
So here are some examples of relationship goals all couples should have to inspire you to create your own relationship goals:
1 – Put Each Other First
Putting each other first in your relationship means that you’re paying attention to each other’s needs and making sure they are being met.
You love seeing each other happy and would do anything to see them smile. You protect each other, love each other and support each other.
By putting each other’s needs first, you remove the selfish aspect of a relationship, knowing that your needs are being cared for and met by each other.
This only works if you both put each other first.
2 – Treat ‘Together’ Time With As Much Importance As ‘Alone’ Time
When you’re in the early stages of your relationship it’s easy to spend all of your time together. Everything is fresh and exciting and new and you just want to get to know each other in every way.
After a while, it becomes clear that spending all of your time together isn’t sustainable and that you both need time alone to recharge and refill your cup.
Alone time is incredibly important. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to spend time together.
It just means that you know that spending time alone helps recharge your batteries, helps you maintain your individuality (what made you fall in love with each other in the first place), allows breathing space and encourages a closer relationship with each other when you do spend time together.
3 – Know And Understand Each Other’s Love Language
If you haven’t heard of the 5 Love Languages yet, consider this your introduction. You’re welcome.
The general idea is that we each have a love language that we speak and like to be spoken to in, that fosters how we show and receive love.
The reason why this is so paramount in a relationship is because your partner could be showing you love in their love language, but if you don’t understand that, you could be feeling ignored because they aren’t speaking your love language.
For example, if your partner always refuels your car for you and checks your tyres, but all you want is for him to hurry up and get home so you can talk to them, then you’re speaking two different love languages.
This is huge for relationships. Make it your goal to understand each others love language and do things for each other that speaks to your individual styles.
4 – Always Do New Things Together
Sure, alone time is great but together time is where magic happens too! After a while, things can become quite mundane as you move through the day to day tasks of life and before you know it, you could end up in a bit of a relationship rut.
Instead, try to do new things together, exciting adventures or even take turns in choosing what you want to do and then do it together.
From pottery classes to dancing lessons, traveling to massages, anything is possible!
Make a list of all the things you want to do and add to it whenever you think of something new. Then tick things off as you go and you’ll never be bored or stuck for things to do together.
5 – Be Each Other’s Biggest Supporters
One of the best things about being in a relationship is that you always have someone in your corner. Regardless of how extreme or crazy your dreams are, your partner should be your biggest supporter.
Knowing that the person you love believes in you is a massive motivation to achieve your goals, no matter how big they are.
Both men and women need to feel emotionally supported, and while we can generalise about what women want versus what men want when it comes to emotional support, the best thing you can do is literally ask each other.
Take some time to talk about what emotional support looks like to you, what you need, when you need it, and devise ways you can provide this support for each other.
6 – Keep The Physical Connection Going
As you move through different phases of your relationship, sex isn’t always an option. There are going to be times when it’s not physically or mentally possible, but that doesn’t mean that all physical connections need to stop.
Physically touching the person you love triggers oxytocin, the feel-good love hormone that reduces stress and does a myriad of wonderful things for us.
Stay physically connected by holding hands, cuddling, or literally leaning on one another.
7 – Speak Positively About Each Other
A surefire way to cause damage to your relationship is to speak ill of the person you love to others. Not only is it disrespectful to them, but it’s also disrespectful to your relationship.
This doesn’t mean you can’t vent in tough times, but be sure to talk about behaviours and actions that irritate you or that caused upset, not personality traits.
If you don’t like the personality of the one you are in love with, then you need to reevaluate your relationship or seek further help from someone who specializes in this field.
Always speak kindly and positively of each other, and if there are behaviours that irritate you, remind yourself of what it is you love about them and know that behaviours pass.
8 – Talk About Your Relationship Often
Your relationship won’t stay the same, and that’s one of the amazing things about it. As you grow and your life changes, so too does your relationship.
Which is why it is so important for you to talk to each other about your relationship often.
Use these as check ins, or ask if there’s anything you want to change or do better?
Ask what it is you love about your relationship, spend time reminiscing about the past and what you’ve achieved together and always look to the future and to goals you have created together.
Plus, it’s fun to hear what each other thinks and feels about your relationship!
9 – Create A Partnership, Not A Competition
Regardless of how competitive you may be, your relationship is a partnership, not a competition.
This doesn’t mean you can’t compete to see who wins the most rounds of Scrabble, it means that you shouldn’t keep score in a ‘tit for tat’ type of way.
Arguing about who does more for the relationship or who contributes more creates a competitive environment.
There will always be times where someone does more in a relationship than the other, because that’s how life works.
But the thing with a relationship is that you always have someone to help you through, that’s why it’s a partnership, you don’t have to do it alone.
As long as you’re always giving everything you can, that should be enough. Don’t compete over petty things, create a partnership so you can tackle it all together.
Why You Need To Set Relationship Goals As A Couple
So now you know what goals you should have as a couple, but do you know why you should have them?
We often forget that as a couple, you aren’t just one entity… you are two separate individuals with individual wants and needs. You have different ideas of what you want in life, and although there’s often crossover (hence why you’re so compatible) there are still going to be some things that are just… different.
That’s what makes relationships so fun… I mean… how boring would it be if you were both exactly the same.
Which means, when it comes to setting goals, it’s important to set them together, as a couple (as well as individual goals – but that’s another story for another day).
Setting goals together means that you’re both on the same page, working towards the same thing, and encouraging each other along the way.
These goals also provide somewhat of a framework for your relationship – the standard of what you expect from each other – which is so important too.
When Should You Start Setting Relationship Goals?
If you’re sitting down for a massively deep and meaningful chat the moment your Facebook status goes from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’ then there might be a quick trip to ‘it’s complicated’ before you know it.
This doesn’t mean you should avoid talking about your goals and what you want from your relationship – it just means that goal setting early in a relationship looks different from when you’ve been a long-term couple.
While you might not be diving deep into each other’s Love Language early (if you are… good on you for getting in early) you might start trying new things together and keep this as a goal in your relationship.
It’s a lot easier to start a relationship with the expectations and goals you want, rather than trying to add them in years later, so keep these goals in mind as you create the foundation of your relationship.
Essentially there are no hard and fast rules about when you should start creating goals as a couple, only you will know when it feels right.
How Often Should We Set Goals As A Couple?
Again, this is going to be something that is unique to you and your relationship, but it certainly isn’t a one-time thing that you just do and then forget about.
At the very least, you should be reviewing your goals each year (your anniversary is a good time to do this), and asking yourselves if these goals still suit you, if you’re happy with where you are in working towards them, or if you need to create new goals (or refine the ones you have).
It’s good to keep your goals written down somewhere to help you when it comes time to check in.
You can certainly review your goals sooner, and it’s a really good idea to keep your goals somewhere visible so you can see them daily. Being able to see your goals is a great reminder of what you’re working towards.
You could even create a word art sign that says ‘Always Put Each Other First’, frame it, and hang it on your wall as a beautiful reminder of what you’re working towards.
When you review your goals, it’s important to do so in a positive way, remember these goals are to help your relationship, creating arguments over them isn’t going to be helpful.
Relationships are complicated, and as simple as it sounds to do these things, actually implementing them into your relationship can be hard work.
But when you’re doing this with the person you love the most in the world, then it’s worth it.