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I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty peaceful person. I don’t particularly like drama or arguments of any kind. I try to keep myself out of any issues within my family or group of friends unless I absolutely have to get involved. I’m like a hibernating bear, just minding my own business and trying to live my life happily in my quiet cave, with a full belly and sleeping peacefully until spring.
I’m like this until I am poked. When I get poked and poked, repeatedly for almost three years, then my eyes will open and you are going to see my long, sharp teeth.
This analogy is somewhat silly, but it is very relevant for the story I’m about to tell you.
I am the bear in this story and the person poking me is my husband’s female co-worker. My husband works in a small office, with six other people. The job itself is demanding and the clients they cater to are not always the most wonderful of people to deal with day in and day out.
As a result, the six people that work there have become friends and have bonded over the stresses of the job and some are friends outside of work. When clients aren’t around, they all sit in the common area and talk about their families, kids, or trips they plan to go on during their next vacation time. They are work friends.
One of the women he works with is somewhat addicted to social media. She and I were actually friends in high school and college. Not close friends, but we had several friends in common and got close again once she started working in the same office as my husband.
We started going out to dinner with her and her boyfriend, they came to our house for a holiday party, and we had a couple of wine nights at their house when we all had a rare child-free night. It was nice, friendly.
Then I started noticing it.
About six months after she started working there, she began tagging my husband on her private Facebook page. His name was tagged on silly memes and then she began quoting funny things he had said at work on almost a weekly basis.
Then the selfies started.
She posted pictures of herself at the forefront and my husband in the background sitting in a chair 7 feet away from her simply talking. He wasn’t even aware she was taking the photo half of the time. When she’d post it she would make some kind of snarky comment about him and/or their working relationship.
That’s when the messages started.
Friends of mine from high school starting sending me messages and asking if everything was alright between my husband and I. I was very confused since everything was fine. We fought like every other couple here and there but we were doing great.
In our 16 years together, we have only been close to throwing in the towel once or twice and both of those were in times of great stress. The messages took me by surprise but I reassured my friends that everything was fine and just brushed their concern off as the female co-worker being a little addicted to social media and bored at work.
Then the texting started.
She started texting him in the evenings after work, on the weekends, during the week he took off from work after our daughter was born. Some were work-related but most were not. Some of them were her making fun of her boyfriend or the father of her children – borderline inappropriate.
That’s when my flags started to raise. I asked my husband about it and he told me that he rarely responded but he wasn’t sure what to do about it because he had to work with her. He gave me full access to his phone and Facebook to prove he had nothing to hide. I started to check his accounts and texts. I was becoming paranoid over my husband of ten years and the man I had been with since I was 18 years old.
I had never had this issue in all of our years together with another woman! Never. Not even once!
That is when the fighting started.
Almost daily we’d get into some kind of disagreement about this woman. I had received more messages from concerned friends. My worries came out as jealousy and accusations were thrown at my husband. I racked my mind thinking about if he could actually be having an affair. Logistically I could not figure out when he’d have the time. But, that’s what it had come to.
The final straw was when he went away for a work trip.
When he called me at home that night he told me that she had texted him knowing he was out of town for work. He showed me the texts. I had enough! It was three years of this! So, I sent her a text and told her to please stop contacting my husband in off work hours and to please stop tagging him in stuff on Facebook because our mutual friends found it weird that she tagged my husband more than her own boyfriend.
I thought she got my point. But then she unfriended me and resent my husband a friends request.
I put her on blast on social media. I almost called her out by name, but I did not. I put enough information on the status for our mutual friends to know who I was talking to. Do you want to know what she did? She threatened my husband to go to their boss about it and put his job at risk!
I’m a stay-at-home mom. Our family relies on his income to live. We have two children and a mortgage like everyone else. We need him to keep his job. This woman who had started all of the drama in the first place, was deciding to play the victim card in the situation she created!
Little did she know that I had saved every one of her texts, pictures, and tags she sent to or included my husband in. I had the proof to prove that she was not the victim here.
She is the kind of woman that gives women a bad name. The kind that uses her gender to her advantage in a bad way. The kind that makes it hard for women who are genuinely being sexually harassed in the workplace to report it. The kind that likes to push boundaries and cause drama in an otherwise peaceful marriage.
Little does she know that my husband told their boss everything that had happened. He is completely innocent in everything and was just trying to keep the peace for the sake of his job. He told his boss his side of the story. It made her look like the fool she is.
Also little does she know that our marriage is fine. We are okay, perhaps even stronger because of this. I honestly don’t know if she was just naïve, stupid, or really trying to be a homewrecker but she really should focus on her own relationship and leave mine alone!
I hope that other women reading this will take away this: Trust your husbands and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your marriage. Don’t be afraid to stand up to others that try to cause harm to your love or to show them that you mean business!
Because let’s not forget, there is nothing scarier than a mama bear when someone is trying to come after something she holds precious.