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Whether you’ve been together for 5 months or 5 years, whether you were still dating or married, whether you thought they were the one or you were still waiting to see… breakups are rough. There’s always high levels of emotions and hurt feelings involved and nobody likes the experience. But there are some things you should avoid doing after a break up. Things that are just not a good idea.
1 – Promising To Change Everything To Get Them Back
I have this idea that you should never have to convince someone to be with you. If you’ve broken up, there’s a reason for it. You can talk about these reason with each other if things are amicable enough to do so, but as soon as the conversation gets heated or things like ‘you always’ start to be said, then the conversation needs to end and you need to remove yourself from the situation.
One of the worst things you can do is promise to change in order to get your ex back. A lot of the time, the things that ‘need’ to change are personality traits, not behaviours, and you can’t change a personality trait.
Rather than promising to change in order to get them back, promise to go to counselling with them. If they’re not willing to do that, then they aren’t really willing to do what they can to make this relationship work. And there’s no point in sticking around for someone who doesn’t value you enough to make things work.
2 – Venting On Social Media
Oh Facebook, you’re so tempting. Facebook even asks you ‘what’s on your mind’ when prompting you to share a status update. And while it may seem like a good idea at the time to send out a Public Service Announcement on why your ex is such a dirtbag, doing so isn’t actually going to make you feel any better and only makes one person look bad – you.
Instead of venting publically on social media, vent in other ways. Write things down, talk to friends, talk to a professional. Venting is good – just not in public spaces.
3 – Revenge Tactics
You know all of his weak spots. You know your ex loves his car more than anything, and while it might be tempting to scratch it up with a key, this isn’t going to actually achieve anything.
When we are upset and angry, it’s easy to forget logic and let the emotional side of our brain take hold. Things like spreading rumours, damaging property, and even telling little white lies to scare your ex can all land you in some serious trouble.
Take the high road and keep your chin up. He isn’t worth it.
4 – Drunk Texting or Drunk Calling
While you may have zero desire to talk to your ex, a few drinks and a pint of ice-cream later, the idea of texting him how you really feel (or even calling him) starts to seem like a reasonable idea. It’s not. Ever.
You can use an app to block the ability to text or call a number so when you’re drunk and feel like it’s time to have a chat with your ex, your phone literally won’t let you. Brilliant.
5 – Jump Straight Into Another Relationship
After a break up there’s a lot of emotional baggage you’ll need to sort through, this isn’t the time to go and dump that baggage on someone else.
Okay, that sounds really mean and horrible but it’s true. It’s so tempting to prove that you’re okay by going out and finding a new relationship. But, if you haven’t dealt with your previous relationship or had a break from being in a relationship, your chances of repeating the same mistakes are really high.
6 – Badmouth Your Ex To Everyone
You know that friend who you kind of avoid seeing because everytime you see her she just raves about how much of an ass her ex is? Don’t be that friend. Badmouthing your ex to anyone who will listen (or even to those who don’t listen) will only make you look petty and immature. You’re better than that.
Rather than spend so much time focusing on the past, talk with your friends about how you’re going to make your future even better. Make it all about you. And spend time building up your friendships again. Your friends will love you for it.
7 – Wallow In Self Pity
It’s okay to throw yourself a little pity party, after all, you’ve just been through a break up and they’re pretty crappy to deal with. Grab some trashy movies (or rewatch Game of Thrones if that makes you feel better), eat some crappy food, drink wine from the bottle and stay in your pyjamas all day.
But then, get over it.
Staying in that self pity mode just stops you from being your best self and focusing on being happy again. It’s okay to have a bit of time to mourn the loss of your relationship but don’t let it drag out for days or weeks (or months!!). You’re so much better than that. And there’s no point giving that kind of energy to a relationship that is over.
Read This: 7 Ways To Get Out Of Your Post Break Up Rut
8 – Relive The Happy Moments Of Your Relationship
This one kind of ties in with the last point. Don’t spend hours scouring through old photos of when you were happy together, don’t go stalking him on Facebook or checking through your time hop statuses. Again, this isn’t going to make you feel any better and literally serves no purpose other than to make you feel bad for yourself. No thanks.
While it’s good to acknowledge that there were happy times in your relationship, there were also times that led to where you are now. Self reflection is a good thing, a relationship never breaks down because of one person – which means it wasn’t entirely your fault and it wasn’t entirely his fault. So reflecting on what was good and what was bad is okay.
But going through old photos, visiting favourite places and doing things that you only ever did together won’t benefit you in any way. Let them go and move on. You deserve it.
There’s no textbook ‘one size fits all’ way of dealing with a breakup. We each do it in our own ways, and some people handle the situation better than others. But whatever you do, please don’t do any of these things after a breakup. Focus on yourself, building yourself up and making yourself happy. The only person responsible for your happiness is you.