We already know, as mother’s, working out what is and isn’t right to do is tough. You have to weigh up all of the options, ignore the people who are trying to tell you what you’re doing is right/wrong/ruining your child, and then work out what is actually best for you and your family. It’s not easy. And one of the biggest decisions we make as mothers is whether or not we are going to return to work after we have children.
I’ve kind of been on both sides, because I choose to have an extended time at home with my son which meant I wasn’t getting paid maternity leave for a while. And I’ll be doing the same with our daughter. But I also know a lot of women who choose not to return to work at all and these are just some of the things a stay at home mother is tired of hearing.
1 – How Can You Afford To Stay At Home?
I know money is a huge factor in the choice for people to return to work, but for some stay at home mothers, it would actually cost more money to go back to work once you factor in child care costs, commute costs, taxes etc. So it becomes more of a ‘how can you afford to work’ rather than being able to afford not to.
Plus, we budgeted for the time I wasn’t being paid. And I know other mothers who don’t return to work at all who budget like champions. It doesn’t always mean you have to go all frugal and coupon collecting, sometimes simple tweaks can make all the difference.
And, you never really know someone’s financial situation, so why would you assume they can’t afford to stay at home?
2 – Don’t You Ever Just Want a Break?
No, I want to be with my child 24 hours a day 7 days a week and never have a moment to myself. Are you kidding? Of course I want a break. But I don’t really consider going to work to be a break.
When I have a break, I get time to myself to do whatever I want. My husband either takes the kids out of the house or boots me out to go and do something by myself. It’s amazing and it’s much needed, regardless of whether you’re a stay at home mother or a working mother.
And, for the record, it’s also 100% okay to send your kids to daycare when you need to, even if you’re not working. Time alone is so important, even if that time is spent tidying up the house or binge watching Netflix. Sanity breaks are a necessity.
3 – Do You Regret Giving Up Your Career?
I have trouble answering this one because I haven’t given up my career, I can go back to my job whenever I want (albeit with a bit of refresher training to catch up) and because I’ve created an entirely new career for myself too.
But, why do people automatically assume that because you’re a stay at home mother, you’ve given up your career?
And, who is to say that a career is more important than your desire to stay at home with your kids?
I know a lovely woman who has spent her whole life dreaming of the day she would be able to be a stay at home mother. To her, that is the greatest thing on earth and absolutely nothing would ever compare. She is amazing and has built her whole life around being a stay at home mother, not around being a career woman. Which is perfect for her.
I know other women who have returned to work quite soon after having a baby and have done so by choice.
Just because your career means the world to you, doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone else.
4 – When Are You Going Back To Work?
Never. I don’t know. In a year. Maybe. I haven’t planned for it yet. I’m not. I don’t want to.
Pick any of the above.
Why does being a stay at home mother mean I have to have a plan for when I’m going back to work? We spend so much of our lives focusing on work and the traditional working model. Maybe I want to do things differently. Maybe I don’t want to work Monday to Friday, 9 – 5 for the rest of my life. (I really, really don’t…)
Maybe I’ve got plans to go back to work, maybe I don’t. But it doesn’t matter. Because right now I’m doing what’s right for my family and that is for me to stay at home.
5 – It Must Be So Good To Have All of That Free Time
Bahahahahahahaha. Sure, I sit around and watch Netflix all day. Mmmmhmmm.
Do you even see what a stay at home mother does all day? Oh my gosh. You’d actually do less work if you went to your 9-5. All I’m going to say here is swap for a day. If you really think a stay at home mother has so much time free, swap with her for a day. Get her to write out a list of things she does in a day and you take over.
Then come back and tell me about all the free time she has.
Whether you’re a working mother, stay at home mother or somewhere in between, it’s entirely your choice and it’s nobody else’s business why you have made that choice. So laugh off the comments from others and keep doing what you’re doing, because you are amazing.