So, first of all, I absolutely MUST preface this article by saying MY Mother-in-Law is amazing. Seriously. She is one of the most kind and loving women ever and is so far in the opposite camp of being too scared to step on toes that she doesn’t speak up for what she wants. However, I have had a mother in law that was quite out there, and I’ve had plenty of friends share their horror stories, and so this list was created.
We are given lots of ‘advice’ when we are pregnant. Whether we want it or not. Some comes from our mothers, some from out mother’s in law and some from other friends and family. But there are certain things you don’t want to hear from your mother in law when you’re pregnant. Things that will send shivers down your spine and make that cervix clamp up real tight.
1 – “Oh you’re in for a treat! (Husband’s Name) was a big 12 pound baby!”
Seriously lady? I don’t need to hear this. Sure, your son may have been a small man when he was born, but this baby has my genes too. And thankfully I’m quite small. Plus, I’m the one responsible for getting this child out of my body. Unless you have something to say along the lines of ‘you will do an amazing job’ then I don’t want to hear it. Mkay? Thanks.
2 – “If you want to go into labour, have lots of sex!!”
It already makes me cringe that you know we have had sex at all (immaculate conception maybe?) let alone hearing you tell me to have more sex with your son in order to go into labour. I literally have no words to respond to this.
3 – “I’m so excited! Once the baby arrives I’ll be moving in for at least 4 weeks.”
And before the baby arrives I’ll be changing all the locks or moving house. I know your intentions are good, but seriously, I will have a newborn to care for, I don’t need another person in my house to have to think about too.
Sure, drop by and bring food, offer to do the laundry or grab some groceries… but please, for the love of all things new baby… leave. At some point… go home. I want to spend time with my new little family enjoying our new little bubble of bliss.
4 – “Are you sure it’s (Husband’s Name)’s baby?”
Just because this baby looks more like a potato than a human right now, doesn’t mean it hasn’t come from your gene pool. Yes, I’m sure.
5 – “Oh wow, you certainly do look like you’ve been eating for two!!”
Hey lady, I’m pregnant… what’s your excuse? Urgh. Do not, ever, under any circumstances, comment on a pregnant woman’s weight. Ever. Nor should you comment on the fact that she has ordered two pieces of cake for lunch. Or eaten 3 bowls of chocolate cereal for dinner. Just don’t go there.
And for the record… no, I’m not having twins. And yes, I’m sure.
6 – “I can’t wait to be there for the birth, I just purchased a new video camera for it!”
Wait, this isn’t a public event and it certainly isn’t something that is going to be filmed by my mother in law. No. Just no. I don’t care that your new video camera has an awesome zoom feature. You’re not going to be there unless I specifically request for you to be there.
Birth is such an intimate time. It’s difficult enough to be going through one of the most vulnerable stages of my life (and painful too I might add), I don’t need my mother in law there filming it and running commentary.
7 – “You can’t eat that.”
*Opens mouth, puts food in* Uh, yes I can. I checked with my doctor, I know very well what I can and cannot eat and I’ve done the research myself (more than just a Google check too). I am very aware of what I can and cannot eat. And believe me, chocolate is high on the list of ‘can eat’.
8 – “You can’t do that.”
I’m pregnant and hormonal. At the best of times, I’m already incredibly stubborn. If you tell me I can’t do something, I’m just going to be even more determined to do it, just to prove you wrong. Yes, in some cases there are things you shouldn’t do when you’re pregnant. But there are a lot of things I can still do and it’s perfectly safe. I’m pregnant, not incapacitated.
9 – “Don’t worry about buying any clothes for the baby. I saved all of (Husband’s Name)’s.”
Have you seen your son’s fashion sense? I blame you. I understand you might have a few sentimental items from 35 years ago that now probably have mothballs and holes in them and they mean a lot to you. Really, it’s sweet.
And I understand how much you love your son (because you keep telling him that no one will ever love him more than you do).
But this is our baby, and I will be buying new clothes that we like. Feel free to pass on an item or two (I repeat, an item or two – that is one or two articles of clothing) and I’ll be sure to dress up the baby and take some sweet pics, but I will not be stocking their entire wardrobe with a 1980’s collection of baby clothes.
10 – “Oh you’re having a girl/boy? That’s okay, you can always go back and try again….”
I have no words. No words.
If you’re unfortunate enough to suffer with a mother in law like this, I am truly sorry. Be sure to post this article everywhere you can in hopes that she reads it and gets the gentle hint. Otherwise, just say no. You’re allowed to. I promise.