It’s Okay If You Hate Being Pregnant (You’re Not A Bad Person)
Right now I’m pregnant. 18 weeks to be exact. And I hate it. Yup, those words left my lips and fell onto the page.
For a long time, I felt guilty about it… like really guilty. I thought of all the mothers who are desperate to have children but can’t and I cried because I felt so bad.
But then I realized, it’s okay to hate being pregnant.
Whoever said pregnancy is this magical happy time in their life either had the most uneventful pregnancy (and congratulations to them) or they were on some awesome happy drugs and in that case, what was the name of them and where can I get them? (Jokes)
Pregnancy for me is stressful, it hurts and it literally tries to kill me.
I’m one of the unfortunate estimated 2% of women who suffer from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (yay Mum, you were right, I am special!).
This means my body has difficulty processing the idea that I’m pregnant, produces enough HCG to power up twins (even though I’m only having one baby), and creates what is like an allergic reaction.
I throw up continuously, become severely dehydrated, and can even go into serious, life-threatening organ failure.
Sounds like a treat.
While there are wonderful well-meaning people out there who offer up support and tell me to take ginger and eat crackers, I am on more medications than I care to mention, including those used to help chemo patients cope.
So, ginger just isn’t going to cut it.
Even if you’re not a sufferer of Hyperemesis, and you still hate being pregnant. It’s okay.
It doesn’t mean we love our babies any less. It doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful for my ability to conceive and carry.
And it doesn’t mean I wish I wasn’t pregnant.
It just means I don’t enjoy being pregnant.
I don’t get the pregnancy glow… unless you count the sweats I get before I throw up.
I’m uncomfortable from around week 9 and get a lot of hip and ligament pain.
I get intense reflux that makes me drink Gaviscon out of the bottle.
My boobs are huge, and not in a good way. It just feels like crap.
I hate being pregnant and I’m not apologizing for it.
In fact, if we all spoke about pregnancy in a more frank manner, perhaps we wouldn’t feel so alone and so ‘guilty’ when we find ourselves more than a little disappointed by the illusion of the perfect pregnant woman.
When we find out plans of eating perfectly healthy in pregnancy fall wayside to the insane cravings for all the carbs.
When we are told of the wonderful energy we will feel in the second trimester only to realize we are still tired after sleeping for 12 hours and the only energy we have is to waddle towards to pantry to find more carbs.
And when people offer well-meaning advice and we can’t decide whether or not to cry because of our failures or just eat them. The person that is, because we are so darn hungry!
It’s not even just the physical aspects of pregnancy that are difficult to deal with. Pregnancy takes its toll mentally too.
I had a miscarriage right before I fell pregnant with this baby. It was heartbreaking.
We had decided over a year ago to try for another baby at around this time.
The timing all seemed right, everything felt like it was in a good place. And then those two little lines told us I was pregnant.
And then I wasn’t.
I’m certainly not ungrateful for my ability to fall pregnant, I actually consider myself quite lucky.
But pregnancy also messes with my anxiety. Really bad. I was on an amazing herbal tablet prior to falling pregnant that kept my adrenals in check and my anxiety at bay. But, I can’t take it during pregnancy.
Cue hormonal surges, anxiety attacks and my inability to function as a mother to my 3 year old son, as a wife and as a human (thanks to Hyperemesis) and pregnancy really starts to mess with my mental state.
All the more reason to hate being pregnant even more.
I’m not the only one. Pregnancy brings with it all kinds of anxiety.
You’re told what you can and can’t eat and judged by others for doing basic things. I ordered sushi for my husband and got a dirty stare from a lady in line. I don’t even like sushi!
You can’t drink and are made to feel guilty for even having a sip of red wine.
You can’t fit into your old clothes anymore and are forced to either wear baggy clothes or shop for new ones, that in a few months won’t fit you anymore anyway.
You lose your body as it morphs into something you barely recognize.
You give up your ability to work in your chosen career which was a huge struggle for me the first time around.
You are no longer you… you are pregnant you. You plus baby.
Which is nice, most of the time. But there’s no escape.
I can’t say to my husband ‘hey honey, can you just take the pregnancy for the day, please? I need a break’.
It’s all the dang time. All day, every single day.
So, if a woman says to you ‘I really don’t like being pregnant’ or if they say anything that gives you any indication they are having a hard time, please refrain from telling them how blessed they are or how lucky they are.
They know. Listen to them, tell them they aren’t alone, and give the woman some carbs!
And if you’re the woman who feels like pregnancy is just one big crap time, it’s okay. You’re not alone and you most definitely aren’t a bad person.
Be kind to yourself.
Congrats on the pregnancy, but I am so with you. I absolutely hated being pregnant and also wrote a blog post about it a while ago. My husband and I wanted two children, and that’s what we have. I dreaded getting pregnant with the second because I hated pregnancy so much with the first. I was really glad we got pregnant first month when we tried with the second because the sooner I got pregnant, the sooner it was over. I didn’t have anything near HG, but I was miserable, didn’t like being told what I could and couldn’t do, and did have a lot of nausea. Hang in there momma, I know it’s tough, and I totally agree with hating that I couldn’t pass it to my husband for a few days here and there! I felt so strange because most people I know rave about how much they loved being pregnant, made me feel like something was wrong with me.
Hey Stephanie, I’m so glad I’m not the only one. So many people talk about how amazing pregnancy is, and I am so glad it is for them. I would never wish to take that from anyone. I just hope that people understand it isn’t this way for everyone. For some of us it’s just miserable. I don’t feel like myself and I can’t wait to just get back to me! <3
Hi Krystal!
Your post about hating pregnancy and how it’s okay hit me really hard because it’s the way I felt about my entire pregnancy and the way I still feel about it now (daughter is 18 months). I am actually terrified to think about another child because I was so miserable from the moment I found out til the moment I pushed her out. Literally, throwing up most of my labor. I spent hours each day throwing up or crawling on floor because my migraines were debilitating. I had to drive to work with bags so I could throw up In the car, had to have trash cans or mints at work so I could throw up there because hitting the bathroom ever worked. I had to stay home and locked up in room because every smell, car ride, party, movie, or activity would spark a series of intense vomit sessions. I was hospitalized several times but never it the HG status because I didn’t lose enough body weight. I was on zofran both injection and pill form and firocet for migraines. I hated my friends who had “easy pregnancies” and felt that I never bonded with my child because I was so miserable. It took me awhile after she was born to realize what I had created. I fear that the next pregnancy will be like that (even though they say everyone is different) but I don’t want to neglect my daughter if I do get as sick and miserable the 2nd time. I also feel selfish because I do not want her tonbe the only one, growing up lonely. I do look at her and think how perfect she is and how nothing in our life is easy that makes it worth anything.
Thank you! I almost cried reading this. I have no actual condition that makes pregnancy worse for me, it just sucks in a normal way. I also can identify with feeling exhausted, only being able to get up long enough to eat carbs, and then feeling guilty for eating said carbs. Thanks for sharing this.
I’m so sorry pregnancy sucks for you too. 🙁 Enjoy those carbs mama! <3 xo
This article was everything I felt and wish I could have read in my first pregnancy. I had mild undiagnosed HG. Miserable and sick enough to hate my pregnancy but not sick enough for anyone outside of my close circle to really get it! I’m in my second pregnancy now and so much sicker. More people get why I’m so miserable but pregnancy still sucks! Thank you for your words!
Such a great and honest article. I’m 14 weeks and have had quite the time myself. Sick everyday, all day. More exhausted then I knew was even possible. I’m a shell of myself. Already can’t sit, stand or even sleep well and starting to experience Round Ligament Pain, which until nervously searched on Pinterest I had no idea even existed!
People are not honest about how pregnancy can feel like, they focus on the good parts and skew what the rest of us this we are supposed to think and feel. I wanted nothing more then to get pregnant and start a family and was thrilled when it happened. The experience has been much harder than I ever would have imagined and I often break down wondering how I can go another day, much less another 5 months. Just getting through each day is a real challenge.
Reading that I’m not the only person not enjoying pregnancy is very helpful and encouraging because I’ve been feeling like something is wrong with me.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you Summer! For some of us, pregnancy straight up sucks. On the positive side, I found that I felt really good with post-birth recovery because it felt easier than being pregnant! 🙂
You’ve just been through some of the hardest time of pregnancy too – 8 – 10 weeks is the worst for sickness… I hope you start to feel more of yourself and less like a shell.
My second pregnancy was made so much better (despite being sicker than the first) because I had a private Midwife – someone who would listen, help and was in my corner the whole time. Maybe that’s something you could consider. Also, check out The Empowered Mama Project (https://theempoweredmama.com) – we talk A LOT about the realities of pregnancy and help empower women through their pregnancy, birth and motherhood.
You’re not alone lovely, you are never alone! <3
I really needed to read this today. I’m struggling so much right now with my first pregnancy and it feels so defeating. What I’m mostly scared for is the labor and birth. There are times I just don’t think I’ll survive. It has skyrocketed my anxiety and driven a wedge between my husband and I. He is so excited, which I understand, but he’s has no idea what it is doing to me. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in thinking that this whole pregnancy thing totally blows.
Really needed to read this today! Thanks! Everyone I know breezes through pregnancy and says how much they love it. They look at me like I’m crazy when I say I’m not enjoying it. I just needed this reminder that I’m not the only one feeling miserable and wondering how to get through the next 14 weeks when I can hardly walk due to back and pelvic pain let alone chase after a 20 month old etc etc! Yes I’m very grateful I’m able to grow a second beautiful baby and yes parts of it are wonderful, but that doesn’t cancel out the fact that the majority of the time it really sucks, EVERYTHING hurts, and I want it to just be over with!!
Anyway…just wanted to say I’m glad I found this today ☺️
Pregnancy is really, really hard for some people (me included). It’s okay to hate it. I’m glad you found this post today, it definitely sounds like you needed it. This is an awesome FB group full of supportive Mama’s – we’d love you to join – https://www.facebook.com/groups/theempoweredmamaproject/ xoxo