Confessions of a Hot Mess: Things I Pretend To Do

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You know I’m all for transparency, and I don’t have the energy/desire to keep up any facade of me having my shit together. But there are some things I pretend to do, usually to just make life easier or simply because I couldn’t be bothered explaining things. Sometimes it’s because I just want two seconds alone to myself…

We all ‘pretend’ to do things each day, so I’m just going to confess mine to you.  

I pretend I don’t hear my son calling out to me, let’s face it, after being called out to 10 times to look at the same dang piece of Lego I think I get the point. I just want to take those few extra minutes to drink my coffee while it’s still hot. Come on kiddo… I love you, but it’s a piece of Lego!

I pretend I haven’t seen text messages, because I am THE WORST at replying to text messages. Don’t take that as an indication that I’d rather you call me… oh, no, no, no. I probably won’t answer the phone either. Which is a little funny considering my phone is always attached to me. But I usually check a message, then get distracted and don’t reply. Just keep texting me until I do… I’ll get there.

I pretend to take a shower every day, it’s not as gross as it sounds. I still clean myself up… but we live in a town with high chlorine levels in our water and it irritates my skin like mad. When I shower every day, I end up having snakeskin despite how much moisturiser / coconut oil I put on it. And really… who says we need to shower every single day?

I pretend to eat healthy. For some reason, most of the people I talk to assume I eat healthy. And most of the time I kind of do. But really, my ‘healthy’ eating is usually a lazy thing. Do you know how much easier it is to roast some veggies and meat for dinner? It takes like 10 minutes to prep and put in the oven and I’m done! Keep in mind, this is often followed up with a Krispy Kreme (if I’ve managed to get my hands on one) or some form of sweet treat.

I pretend I’m organised of a morning but really I just run around like a crazy person because I’m too lazy to get out of bed 10 minutes earlier. I’d love to be one of those people that have lunches prepared the night before (and sometimes I do and it’s awesome) but by the time night rolls around I just want to spend it snuggling my hubby, not making lunch.

The things I pretend to do help me look like I have everything together when I assure you I don't even come close. There's no harm in faking it, right? Hot Mess | Life Lessons | Mum Life | Motherhood | Millennials | Life Balance | Fake It | Pretend To Do

I pretend I’ve spent the whole day cleaning the house while my husband is at work but really I just do everything in the last hour before he gets home. For real, you’d be amazed at how much I can get done in an hour. Set a timer and goooo…. Showers – done. Floors – done. Washing – done. It’s a skill, I swear. Plus most of the time he has already cleaned everything anyway…. So there’s that.

I pretend I’m confident but really on the inside, I just look like Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’. Confidence is something I fake quite regularly… but it’s okay because sometimes faking it is just as good as having it anyway. The Wonder Woman pose helps too.  

I pretend I don’t care what others think of me but I sometimes take criticism to heart and it makes me question myself. And really, this is a work in progress. I’m only human, harsh words can hurt. Most of the time I can just brush them off, but sometimes someone will land a blow that just sticks. Usually, it’s someone online who has no clue who I am and no bearing on my life anyway.

I pretend I don’t know every word to every one of The Wiggles songs. But this is because I’d rather not know every word to every one of The Wiggles songs but dang that ‘Hot Potato’ and ‘Big Red Car’ gets stuck in your head. Then I just ignore the people who are looking at me weird when I realised I’ve been singing The Wiggles while in line at the grocery store… without kids in tow.

I pretend I’m busy but busy isn’t always productive. This is one I’m trying to stop because it’s frustrating. I get so caught up in things that need to be done that I jump from task to task without actually accomplishing anything. It’s annoying.

I pretend I’m body confident but I’ve always had some form of body issue. I think most women have. I’ve always hated my freckles, so much so I had IPL treatment in the past to make them fade. I still have freckles. I struggle with how my body looks in pregnancy. I don’t like that I’m not as strong as I once was. Sure there are things I love, but sometimes the rest takes over.

I pretend to listen to parenting advice, because I know that people mean well, but seriously, I’m just going to do what I wanted to do in the first place. Which I know is something that drives my mum bonkers, but if I’m confident in what I’m doing then I’m going to run with it. I don’t need to hear all the things you think I’m doing wrong… we are doing just fine.

I pretend to have a deep and meaningful conversation with my friend, when we are both really discussing various things about the people passing us by. We love people watching.

I pretend that I will one day, once again wear the 15 pairs of high heels I have in my cupboard, even though I haven’t worn any of them since before I had my son.

I pretend that I’m an extrovert when all I really want to do is be at home with my gorgeous little family. I’ve become a real homebody and love the home we have created. The only place I’d rather be is at the beach with my gorgeous little family.

What do you pretend to do? The same as me or do you have things of your own too?

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