I’m all for observational humour, I love people watching and I love the psychology behind personalities, motivation and what makes us who we are. Don’t even get me started on how excited I get talking about how the brain works… I’m crazy like that. So I thought I’d share what I’ve observed about what your coffee order says about you…
What experience do I have?
Well, not a great deal. I did work in a cafe for about 4 years, have ordered more coffees than I’ve had paychecks and I’ve spent way too many hours observing (yes observing, not stalking) people in cafes while I pretended to work. I like to create little background stories for the people I see and create entire personality profiles, again, because I’m weird and not afraid to admit it.
So here’s what I’ve come up with:
Espresso / Macchiato / Ristretto
You are the kind of person who has a set goal in mind and you go for it. No watering it down, no long way around – you’re straight to the point. You want your coffee hit and you want it quick. You don’t need to carry around your Starbucks cup as a fashion accessory for the next 4 hours, it’s all about getting the job done and you’re the person people go to when they want just that.
You’re also not afraid to tell it how it is. Friends ask you for advice when they really want an honest opinion, not because they want someone to agree with them.
Note – this only applies if you order these coffees because you like them. If you order an espresso and screw your face up every time you take a sip then all bets are off and that just makes you the kind of person who wants to appear like they are in charge.
Cappuccino
You order your cappuccino because that’s what you’ve always done, you’re a creature of habit and you don’t like change. You also kinda like the extra little chocolate sprinkles on top. You don’t really care what types of coffees you can order, you just always order your cappuccino because it’s easier and more comforting than trying something new.
You like things in order, you like things to be predictable and you like to feel like you’re in control. You most likely always order your coffee from the same place and in the same size too, again, you love the comfort of habits. You’re the kind of person that people can rely on and know they will never be let down.
Flat White
You’re more of the calm and relaxed kind of person. You don’t need all the extra frills with your coffee, after all having milk foam on top of your coffee just reduces the amount of actual coffee you get to drink. No thanks! You just like things to be simple and minimalist.
You’re a great listener and people love to talk to you but they also don’t expect you to act like their psychologist and ask them ‘how does that make you feel’. While you don’t mind conversations, you aren’t going out of your way to break new conversational grounds. You’re the one to calm a situation and the mediator when things escalate, always being able to see an argument from both sides.
Latte
Lattes are a popular coffee order and you love being social, popular and you’re rarely seen without a coffee in your hand. You can often be found with friends at cafes or in mum groups talking about coffee (and by lunch time you’ve probably had at least 3 or 4 already). You love your caffeine hit and you actually really like the taste too.
You like the lattes because they don’t have all that chocolately stuff on top (which lets face it, the kids are going to try and steal from you anyway) but you like the little bit of foam you get. Plus, because lattes are served in a glass you get to feel a little fancy while you’re getting your hit.
You’re the kind of person who people love to have around because you’re reassuring and you like to make others feel good about themselves. You’re down to earth and a realist when it comes to the demands of life.
Mocha
You’re indecisive and erratic. Not quite sure what you want at any time, you’re the kind of person that gets frustrated because you find it so hard to make a decision. You want it all, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You can’t decide between a hot chocolate and a coffee so you combine it! Really, it’s quite efficient when you think about it.
You’re a dreamer and creative. You can often be found brainstorming new ideas for anything from business ventures to the next kids story book you’re going to write. People love being around you because you’re incredibly interesting and entertaining.
Long Black
You’re a serious coffee lover and won’t let anything (like milk) stand in the way between you and your coffee hit. You’re the kind of person who everyone knows can’t function until their first coffee and people will avoid you until you’ve had your morning cup of joe.
You’re strong and determined (albeit a little moody but hey, why not?) and you’re the kind of person that makes a decision and sticks to it. You’re happy to take your time completing a task as long as it’s done properly.
People love that you’re thorough and a bit of a perfectionist, nothing is ever rushed, it’s always done just right.
Or maybe you just don’t like milk.
If You Add Syrup
You’re addicted to sugar and you’re not afraid to admit it. Your coffee order (probably a cappuccino with syrup because it has extra chocolate sprinkles on top) will most likely come with a cake or something sweet on the side.
But what does it say about you? You’re fun, excitable and probably talk a million miles an hour (most likely due to the constant sugar high). But people love you for it.
You’re also most likely the one taking selfies with your Starbucks cup and posting them on Instagram. #coffeelover
And if you order anything that resembles any unicorn colours or doesn’t even taste like coffee then you don’t even register for this post.
How do you think I went with what your coffee order says about you? Scary accurate or way off? What’s your coffee order and what do you think it says about you?
Disclaimer: This post has zero intention to be accurate and 100% intention to entertain and make you laugh. It’s a joke. I’m funny. Just ask me.