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Regardless of how kind and caring your relationship is, there will come a time when a disagreement becomes emotional and when emotions are charged, things can be said that aren’t necessarily meant.
But the problem is, once words are said, they can’t be taken back, and their hurt can be palpable for some time.
While it’s understandable that couples argue, after all, you have two different people with different ideas, morals and ethics coming together, there are some things that just shouldn’t be said.
These things are often said with the intent to hurt and cause pain, which is not what you want your husband to feel.
So, these are 7 things you should never say to your husband, regardless of what you’re arguing about (and that he should never say to you either):
1 – “It’s Your Fault”
When you’re in an argument with your husband, it is easy to quickly turn to the blame game and start accusing each other of who is at fault. But this is not constructive at all and just adds to anger and frustration.
In your marriage, you are a team and you work things out together. ‘Fault’ is not what needs to be focused on, solutions are. Instead of arguing over whose fault things are, ask what you can do to help each other.
2 – “You’re Overreacting”
If your husband is upset by something, or is triggered by something, telling him he is overreacting is dismissive and disrespectful. You both deserve better than that.
Regardless of your thoughts on the matter, your husband is allowed to feel how he feels without you measuring whether his reaction is justified or not (and the same goes for you by the way).
Instead of saying ‘you’re overreacting’, acknowledge how he is feeling, and ask what you can do to overcome it and move forward.
3 – “You Always…” or “You Never…”
‘Always’ and ‘never’ are absolute, which means they are also incorrect. You cannot say ‘you never listen to me’ because it’s not true.
What this does is immediately put the other offside, tells them that when they do listen to you, you don’t acknowledge it anyway, so why bother?
This is a toxic downward spiral and one that is not conducive to a happy and healthy marriage.
Instead say something like ‘I’ve been noticing you haven’t listened to me as much lately, is there a reason for it’. Focus on solutions, not adding to the argument.
4 – Anything That Indicates You Regret Your Relationship
“I wish I was single, things were easier then.”
First of all, regardless of whether this is true or not, you probably are just remembering the highlights of your former single life and not the negatives – this tends to happen when we are feeling unhappy and want to retreat to a previous ‘safe’ time.
Secondly, again this does not help you focus on solutions in your argument. All it does is cause further dissatisfaction and anxiety.
5 – Threats Of Divorce
A discussion of divorce, whether warranted or not, should never be made as a threat. “If you don’t start talking to me, we might as well get a divorce.”
Once ‘divorce’ is mentioned, the dynamic in a marriage changes and you cannot ever take it back. You go from all in, no matter what, to thinking and feeling like one person has one foot out the door and is ready to leave at any time.
Even if it’s said in an argument and you didn’t actually mean it, the words have been spoken and they can’t be taken back.
6 – Name Calling
This is the man you love and care for, calling names is childish and belittling and does not have a place in a marriage. You are meant to support each other, build each other up and be each other’s cheer squad. Name calling undermines all of this.
Even if it’s said as a joke, ‘oh you’re so stupid’, words have power and they can cause hurt.
7 – “I Don’t Care”
You do care, and saying ‘I don’t care’ is another way of expressing that you are uncomfortable, scared, or worried. The problem is, saying ‘I don’t care’ is completely dismissive and while it may feel like it is going to help you end the argument faster, it does nothing positive for your relationship.
If you’re discussing something and you genuinely don’t mind what the result is, saying something like ‘you choose, I trust your choice’ is a far more positive way to convey what you’re feeling instead of saying ‘I don’t care’.
Your marriage is important. It deserves respect and care, and the words you speak to your husband are powerful. Ensure you don’t say these things to your husband in an argument and show each other love and respect.